June 17, 1939

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Dear Diary,

I'd hoped today would fly by, only hurting me slightly... but why would life go so easy on me?

—————

We walked to the station and I felt myself getting choked up. I didn't want him to go more than I was letting on, even after everything that had been said.

You see, I told him about Dr. Erskine and that I had finally been let into the army, which, he wasn't happy about... but, either way, it still didn't feel right. I thought getting into the army would make me less upset about Bucky leaving me, but I guess I was wrong.

"Alright," he turned to me. "We're here," he said, his voice unrecognizable.

"Wait- before the goodbyes, Buck, did you..... did you really think you could keep it from me that you didn't actually enlist?"

"I knew you would figure it out eventually... I just couldn't be the one to tell you. I'm sorry, it's just tha-"

"No, I know you have no say in this. It's okay."

"Okay," he replied, a tinge of something different in his voice.

The train had been docked and was just about ready to go when we had arrived. There wasn't a single person around, either, as they were all already on the train. It felt like it was just us, and once he left, we'd both be alone in our own tiny worlds without the other.

"Buck-" I choked out, a tear falling down my face.

"Shh," he murmured, his hand meeting my face and wiping my tear as my hands met his body. He looked around quickly before kissing me softly and briefly. "I'll see you soon," he whispered as he pulled away.

"I know," I said, sniffling.

"Oh, and, Steve?" he called out quietly as the train started to pull away.

I walked with its slow movements so that I might be able to stay with him, even if it was for a little while longer. "Yes?"

"I love you more than anything, please remember that," he whispered.

"I'd sooner die than forget."

—————

I watched the train pull out of the station and felt my tears fall with no resistance. I let them pour out of me like nothing before.

I didn't want to let him go... it felt so terribly wrong to see him leave me like this - to see him leave me against his will.

But now, we're both equally alone, just hoping the other makes it back to us in the end of everything.

~ S. R.

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