Steve's Diary

August 8, 2014

Dear Diary,

I suppose all is back to the way it was before the whole HYDRA is infiltrating S.H.I.E.L.D. thing, but I don't see how I'll ever get over this.

See, at first, I was in and out of consciousness and completely unaware of where I was- seeing as last time I woke up in a setting like this, I was being tricked.

Though, eventually I realized it was real, but I was still unsure of everything else. How did I even get here? Last I remember was being on that helicarrier with Bucky. Hell, I was barely there, even then.

I woke up to Marvin Gaye's Trouble Man soundtrack playing on a cellular phone in my hospital room.

After I first opened my eyes, I felt like everything was on fire. I was bruised and beaten and I had stitches on my face. I looked to my right, and there sat Sam reading a magazine.

"On your left," I had said jokingly.

He smiled and kept on; allowing me to rest for the majority of the day.

Apparently, I'd been asleep for a solid sixteen hours. He filled me in on the goings on with S.H.I.E.L.D. and all the changes that were being made.

The organization Peggy helped start is no more. It's done, but HYDRA isn't. And it burns my ass to have to even acknowledge it.

I honestly didn't even remember what happened the day of. They tell me there haven't been any sightings of The Winter Soldier, so he's presumed to have died in the helicarrier crash. Though, Natasha said it herself, he's a ghost and I can't possibly live on without simply investigating this further just a little.

Agent 13, Sharon Carter, is planning to work for the FBI, as far as I've been informed. Though, I think she's still with us- this is just our way of getting on the inside as we rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D. from the inside out.

Maria Hill told me she was planning to work with Stark Industries, though, I simply cannot even begin to understand why she wants to work with that complete idiot, Tony Stark. I barely made it working with Howard, and he was significantly less... agitating... annoying... insane... controlling... bossy... and, honestly? attractive.

Like, I just saw Bucky again for the first time in forever but- there's something about Stark and his methods and his personality that draws me to him. It's inexplicable, really, how Goddamn attractive all that shit is, despite how much it irks me.

Maybe I'm going insane- or perhaps its the fact that I haven't had sex in fucking 70 years. Hell, if I thought the constant sex thoughts and overwhelming horniness were gonna stop with the serum, I was terribly mistaken. If anything, it's gotten worse. A lot worse.

Thank God Stark is straighter than a damn ruler.

Anyway, Natasha got herself into some deep shit releasing all that secret information from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s database. Every dirty secret they had on everyone involved got let out... that means Nat's past and mine are out there for the world to see now. She's even gotten called into court about it.

How damn lucky am I that no one knew Bucky and I were... gay? Our relationship may very well be the best kept secret in all of history!

~ S. Rogers