Steve's Diary

January 15, 1938

Dear Diary,

It's kind of a tradition at this point, isn't it?... to make a fire at my house and sit around it for hours and hours and hours just talking and cuddling and relaxing.

Winter would, undoubtedly, be my favorite season if I didn't almost die every year from some random cold or something. Oh well, I guess that's just part of it, right?

—————

I leaned back on my hands as Bucky fixed the fire with his bare hands... what a showoff.

It crackled viciously as he backed away, joining me on the worn down tapestry type carpet. I looked at him as if I was about to say something, but couldn't muster up the courage to... like it was at the tip of my tongue when I suddenly forgot.

"What?" He asked, curious as to what my facial expression meant.

"No, nothing," I attempted to convince him so he wouldn't bug me about it all night.

"Really though, Steve, what's up?" He continued, trying to get an answer out of me.

"Ugh, it's nothing it's just- well, just that I was gonna tell ya how....." I paused and looked at his face like it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. "Tell you that..." I let my voice fade away. Those rich oranges and bright white gold colors looked stunning as they danced across his face- not that I could ever tell him that in such a way, so I stopped talking altogether.

He just smiled knowingly and looked back at the flames.

His hand fell on top of mine effortlessly and out of nowhere. I looked at him and it was like déjà vu. The orange colors of the fire resembled a sunset in my brain and registered as something I had seen and almost felt before. It was like an innate pull towards him.

As we looked into each others' eyes, I felt this ignition within me... his nose brushed up against my own before our eyes shuddered shut and our lips gently met and parted-

June 15, 1935.

That's where I knew this from. It was all too familiar... how could I forget?

Our first kiss- down by the docks... of course.

I smiled to myself at the memory that was nearly three years behind us. What a long and winding road it's been.

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?" Bucky asked, seeing the sparkles in my shallow blue eyes.

"You," I said plainly.

He smiled. "What about me?"

"Our first kiss... by the docks. It's been nearly... what? three years since then?" I reminded him.

He looked shocked. "Really? I mean, wow... that's incredible."

I nodded in agreement. It really was. It seemed like, in this moment, that we'd stay like this forever... stuck in this moment and lost in time, frozen and never moving forward.

But who really knows what the future will bring, right? I mean, we could be pulled apart or remain inseparable... I suppose only time will tell.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed at these thoughts, longing for more time than I could humanly possess with him out of pure selfishness.

"I'll miss this, Buck," I whispered.

"Us, you mean?" He asked.

"Everything..." I paused. "You know, with this war escalating and us being old enough now... it's inevitable that you get drafted," I suddenly coughed into my arm. "I just don't know how ready I'll be to let you go when the time comes," I continued, clearing my throat.

"Don't think like that Stevie... I'm here now and that's all we needa focus on. That's all that matters as long as we stick together," he assured me. "We're all that matters."

—————

We're all that matters.

~ S. R.