Steve's Diary

January 12, 1935

Dearest Diary,

Today one year ago I met Bucky. What a year it has been...

What to do on an occasion like this? As if I've got any clue.

Bucky is usually the one coming up with he ideas anyway...

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"Coney Island?" I proposed.

"We did that just a little while ago," he pointed out.

"The lake?"

"It's frozen over."

"The park?"

"In case ya haven't noticed, Stevie, it's winter. And it's snowing. It has been for the past two and a half days..."

"Do you have any better ideas then?" I asked.

"I dunno. Nothing outside. It's too cold for me... wanna, maybe, just stay here?"

I knew he'd think of something eventually. "Well, what'll we do here all day?"

"You don't know me at all steve, huh? Cold, icey days are my favorite. Winter, really, is the best season... seeing how there are so much cozy things to do the whole while."

"Fair enough... alrighty then. What's your brilliant idea, hmm?"

"Welllll Maybe we could stay here and play cards? Listen to the radio, even? Or, if you're lucky, I'll let you draw a picture of me." And that, just there, made my eyes light up.

"I guess that'll have to do then, huh?" I agreed. And so, the rest of the day was just as he said.

He walked over to the radio (and never have I noticed how... interesting... his gait was) and flicked it on. The smooth music filled the room and rung in my ears as he paced back to the couch where we had been sitting (and talking) for a bit.

"Cards?" He asked.

Good idea, "sure," I responded.

He headed for the kitchen to retrieve the deck of cards yelling back at me to "stay there, we're gonna sit and play on the floor."

I didn't take that wayyyyyy the wrong way or anything... pssh.

I'm returning, he placed the cards on the little side table on the right of the couch in my living room and sat on the floor. "Well?" He looked up at me as if he wanted me to join him, so I hopped down and sat across from him. "Better," he said.

After dealing the cards, we decided on playing Rummy, mostly because that's the only game I really know how to play.

I have three five of hearts as well as a jack, queen and king of spades with a sole Ace of clubs. I can totally win this... all I need is either an Ace or a ten of spades.

He didn't seem all that intent on winning, though. It was almost as if he was distracted by something. Something that kept running on and on in his mind that was just relentless. I wish I knew what he was thinking, but all I can do is observe his actions and try to interpret what he's doing.

Looking at his cards for a fleeting moment then at the deck before us then a somewhat long glance at me - flickering between both my eyes and, really, my whole face - then back down again.

Sure, sometimes I'll catch him looking, but it's normal. I mean, he looks away really quick right after I do, so it's almost like it was unintentional, his actions, right? That's a friendly thing to do, per se, isn't it?

Ok I'm gonna be completely blunt. I have no frickin' idea what the hell he's doing half the time. The way he looks at me is like nothing I've ever seen before... and it's the weirdest thing. I want to think that it's just a way of him showing his being my best friend, yet another part of me feels like it's something more.

That tender look... it can't be just friendly, right? The way he's so gentle around me (in all of my frail-ness) completely shocks me. It's eye opening to watch what he does, what ideas he seems to magically come up with when we're together, what situations he deals with differently when I'm hovering about... almost like if I wasn't there, he never would have thought twice about some of the things he did.

"Steve?" He waved his hand before my face.

What the Well was I spacing out on again? "Mmmyeah?" I blinked over at him.

"You were kinda, you know, zoned out again... you okay?" He sounded concerned.

"Uh, yea I'm fine... why?" I said, knowing full well what he would say next.

"Not sure. You just seem a little... off... lately. Like there's something different about you."

Shit, he noticed that too? I mean, yea, I noticed. But that's only because I'm me and I should know when something's up. "Yea yea... I just haven't been getting much sleep lately. I'm probably just tired."

Well, it wasn't a complete lie. The fact of the matter is that I've been lying awake thinking. About what? I honestly don't even know. Him, I guess, sorta. Just the little things I've noticed. How he purposely does certain things around me. How he's so gentle and kind and caring and understanding and protective and... those eyes. They're like daggers when he looks at me, but not in a mean way. I've seen the way he looks at other people and, comparatively, the way he looks at me is much more... intense. I'm not even quite sure how else to explain it because, well, that's the best I've got right now.

"Rummy!" He called our, laying down his cards. I looked down at my own to see that they're were a complete wreck. Only one of my threes were left and the royal spades I was going for had been torn apart. I must not have been playing attention and accidentally got rid of all my good cards (it was probably while I was spacing out).

His cards though, when I looked over, were perfect. He had a flush of hearts including a nine, ten, jack, queen, king, ace, and a two. What luck, huh?

"Hey, good job," I congratulated him. He smiled up at me like the dork he is and we shared a laugh (like the dorks we are).

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I'm not so sure just yet what's been happening... but it's picking up speed and for some odd reason, I'm not completely against it.

~Steven G. Rogers