RM , A Backstage Romance Book 2 In The Series

Rm , lonliness

Rm laid in bed , he felt exhausted but couldn't sleep , he'd dozed off briefly after talking to Rose but had woken up not long after and now he laid staring at the ceiling. They still had 2 months of touring , and at this moment he could barely tell you what city he was in let alone country .

He knew he shouldn't complain , this was every idols dream , sold out stadiums , world wide success and acknowledgment. 
A year ago he would have been on cloud 9 but all he could think about was Rose and the baby , and Jennys weekly reports .

There wasn't anything in particular in the reports that worried him , it was the fact he needed to recieve them , it was the bags he could see under Rose's eyes and she'd lost more weight in her face , that had him so worried .

He sighed and looked at the clock ..4am , was it even worth trying to sleep ? They didn't have a show tonight and he'd honestly thought he'd sleep the day away but maybe what he needed was some fresh air .

After showering and dressing in dark jogging wear he made a cup of coffee and messaged management to see who wanted to come for an early morning run.

Sometimes he could get away with out security in strange cities but BTS was such a hot topic at the moment he knew even with security it was a risk.

Luckily he got a response back quite quickly and he finished his coffee , grabbed his water bottle and headed out to meet his security in the foyer of the hotel.

The sun was just rising as he jogged along the high roads giving a majestic feeling to the panoramic views below him.

He wished Rose was here to see this with him , who knew being apart from some one could hurt this much. It wasn't even him being a child and stropping over not being with his favourite person , it was him not being a very good father to be , or good husband ,  it was him putting all the responsibility on Rose.

Obviously he couldn't help in the actual aspect of growing a baby , therefore  his job should be to rub her back and feet , feed her delicious,  nutritious or weird foods. Carry things for her , carry her !...he stopped jogging and leant on some handrails.

Down below in the early morning streets he could see people going about their business , couples walking hand in hand , kids in uniforms walking to school.. all the normal things he'd thought he'd given up forever in exchange for this amazing life he led , but now he wanted to be greedy , he wanted it all.

With out realising it he hit the railings with the palm of his hand and his security came forward to ask if he was alright.
Ashamed at letting his frustrations be seen he nodded and then headed back to the hotel.

He decided he needed a shower,  food and then he was going to go back asleep . They were changing countries again tomorrow and then it would be 4 weeks of hard work again.

He opened his hotel room to be greeted by Jin , J Hope and Suga , all with their arms crossed and a semi serious look on their faces .

" erm.. good morning ?" He said raising his eyebrows in question.

" Boss " said J Hope , " take a seat , this is an intervention " he voice was serious but Suga and Jin were clearly struggling to hold back a smile.

Curious he came and took the seat J Hope had indicated and  waited..

Suga handed him a coffee and gave him a sympathetic look  .
" so " said J Hope " we need to do something about your melancholy " Rm looked up  " huh " he said , tempted to laugh .

He continued " we are not saying you are not working hard , and there is nothing wrong with your performance , but seeing how you are between shows is .. " he looked at his brothers for support and Suga in his usual nonchalant way said simply " annoying "

" annoying?" Asked Rm , no longer did he feel like smiling or laughing along with the 3 in front of him , infact he was starting to get irritated..
" The thing is brother , " Jin said , " we know not being with Rose is difficult , but you're grumpy and becoming difficult to be around .
You snapped at the married couple in rehearsal yesterday and I don't think you even realised that you were the one in the wrong !"

" what ?! " Rm tried to remember what had happened but couldn't , however if he was in the wrong he would certainly apologise.  Jin went on to explain that he had been the one to get the dance step wrong but no one had said anything because the second run through he'd done it right . He also reminded him how he had snapped at Jimin after last night's show for something so small that it hadn't really needed addressing. And he had moaned at one of the assistants one day last week when he had heard her raise her voice at Suga " well the assistant shouldn't be raising their voice to us " he said defensively.
There was a silence whilst he processed what they were saying. He had thought he'd been masking his loneliness well , but apparently not . He sighed " I'm sorry " he said " I'll try harder "
He wasn't sure exactly what more he could do but clearly he had to do more than what he had been doing .

Jin came and sat beside him and put his arm around his shoulders . " I know not the same but actually we all miss having Rose around , and we all care and worry about our new baby niece . You're not alone " he said .

This sentence almost brought tears to Rms eyes " thank you " he said " and I am really sorry , I thought I was doing a good job of hiding everything. I also felt I didn't deserve to feel bad when Rose is the one doing all the work on her own. "

There were nods of understanding and then Suga said " we need to fix this " the others looked up at him " how ? " asked J Hope , Rm took a sip of his coffee , he couldn't see how this could be ' fixed ' so let the others talk. Even now sat with three of his brothers who he loved and cherished , he felt alone. It was nice of them to say they missed Rose , he hadn't even felt jealous , he knew they liked her a sister , and of course they would care about his baby , but how could they really know how he felt , the guilt of not being there , missing her in his arms at night,  her body fitting perfectly  in his, seeing her smiling face as soon as he woke up , all these things tormented him inside , yet as he had said , he didn't have the right to feel bad,  he was still doing everything he wanted , his career was beyond his imagination and he was surrounded by those that cared.
" there's no ' fixing ' this " he said suddenly he knew he was just going to have to get better at hiding everything.

J Hope looked at Rm and shook his head " boys this is worse than we thought "