hard to get | baylor (completed)

remembering him

"I can't believe it's been a year since he died."

I said to Fergal as we stared down at Kieran's grave.

"I know. It felt like just yesterday I was holding him for the first time."

Fergal said.

"He had so much life ahead of them. He should've had play dates with his sister and went to school and grown up. He never got to do any of that. And it's my fault."

I sniffled as I bent down next to the grave.

"Hey, neither of their deaths were your fault."

Fergal said as he rubbed my back.

"I could've prevented Kieran's death. I was in the next room. I was right there. Even thought we moved out of that house, I still feel so damn guilty. It's all my fault Fergal. My baby boy is dead because of me!"

I said as I started hyperventilating.

"Pam, calm down before you have a panic attack. None of this was your fault. I promise. Kieran and Brinley love their Mommy. I promise they're looking down on you and they know it wasn't your fault."

Fergal said as he wiped my tears away.

"Are we sure having anotherv baby is the right thing to do? Maybe we should weigh out our options."

"Pam, I get you have anxiety after Brinley and Kieran but this baby is going to be amazing. We're gonna take amazing care of our baby and we're gonna protect him or her. Okay?"

"Okay. God, I'd probably lose my mind without you."

I said as I hugged Fergal.

"I love you. And we love you too Kieran."

Fergal said as he placed the flowers that we brought into Kieran's grave.

"Forever Mommy's baby boy. I love you Kieran. I always will love you."

I said with a smile before Fergal and I walked towards our car.