30-Something Reality

Confessions....

JARED's P.O.V.

Over the next few days, Siren and I had spent in each other arms on the sofa watching absolutely nothing on TV. Nothing ever went past a few kisses and a LOT of cuddling.... Besides our daily ritual of watching Ellen... while eating popcorn and drinking strawberry banana smoothies...Connie would keep her up at night so we would sit and talk until she fell asleep. The nights I wish I could just hold her. But I knew that my brother loved her, and I knew deep down that Siren loved him.

The fact still remained that we had feelings for each other too. Neither of us had let things go past making out like crazy teens all over again. That was hard knowing what we are capable of when we are in bed together.... But even when things got close...like today... like now... When I wanted her SO bad it HURT! 

Siren was snuggled up in my arms, almost asleep in my arms, I look down at her... I pull her into my arms closer and she looks up at me. I can't help myself... I lift up her face and kiss her. I never thought I could want to take things slow with her, but today just brought all the desire and passion back that I had missed from her. And when I kissed her... It all flooded back worse than ever!

I pulled away... "We need to stop right there..." I held her face in my hands... "Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to tell you I don't want to get carried away... But you haven't talked to Shannon yet." I wanted to kick myself in the teeth! "And as much as that kiss just about killed my will power, I am not screwing this up with you this time..." 

"Jared, I haven't been completely honest with you either..." Siren pulled away and sat at the other end of the couch with her tea cup in her hands... "Before I tell you something, I need to ask you something."

I picked up my tea and sat back. "You can always ask me anything!"

"What's going on with you and my sister?"

I felt like she had slapped me! "Damn.... I guess I deserved that one after the Shannon comment... I'm sorry..."

"No Jared, you're right, I haven't talked to him. I'm afraid to talk to him... Jeanette told me she saw him and I can't bear to think of him cloistered away... But I get lost when I'm with you! I love him, but I'm falling for you and it's not fair! Jeanette get's screwed in the end... and my daughter is going to end up confused as shit!"

"Hey, hey, hey,.... Shhhhh shhhhhh... Come here" I pull her into my arms... "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. Sweets, you know how I feel about you. And yes, I still love Jeanette. But she has asked for us to stay friends until things get figured out for every one. If you and I don't stay together because of him and you getting back together, then she wants to try going out on a date again. Start from scratch." I pull her face up to look me in the eyes...

I saw her look down at the ring I had put on her hand... Then back up at me...

I took a deep breathe, "She knows that my priority is your daughter and making sure she is taken care of. If you don't want to be with me and just need me to be your best friend, you are still going to wear that ring... You just have to flip it back around. She is my God Daughter, and you and I don't have to do anything unless you want it. That is why I want you to.... " I can't believe I'm going to say this....

I look over to the coffee table and lean over to pick up her phone and hand it to her... "Call him. Talk to him, cause I want to be with you. And if you want me, we are going to do this right. We are going to go out on dates, take things slow, make this solid. You deserve that, so does your daughter! But Shannon is her father, and he has to be involved with her.... My brother deserves a chance, she is all he asks about besides you. And before you ask, yes, he knows about how I feel and that I gave you a ring." I lay it ALL out on the table... "If you want me, and I'm what you want, I will NEVER turn you away. So if we decide this is what we want, I'll make you mine." 

Siren pulled away... "I'm leaving town.... I can't be the reason you and him don't get along anymore. And that is all this is doing.... And Jeanette should come first if that is who you want.... It hurts that as much as I love Shannon, I want you almost as bad!" She got up and headed to the kitchen.

I got up and followed her! "ARE YOU SERIOUS! You're just going to SKIP OUT with his DAUGHTER!" I was pissed!

"No! After she is born! Do you REALLY think I am that HEARTLESS Jared!" She was furious!

"No... So how would he ever see her? How would ANY of us see her?"

"Your mother and Vickie and Tomo... Have all agreed that if I can't be around the two of you, they would bring her back and forth to me."

I wanted to hit my knees... "Sarah, please..." I took her face in my hands... "Jeanette told me she wasn't ready... She needed time. I went to Ireland after her and I talked. Please... Just..." I kissed her. I didn't know what else to do... I felt her fight, as I started to pull away from her, I feel her will break and her give in to me completely pulling me to her, and letting herself be pulled in to me. I kissed her and I didn't hold back... I pulled away and told her the truth... "Call Shannon... He told me that if you and I were happy, he would not stand in our way... But you can't decided that before you talk to him..."

She pulled away from me, and just cried... "Jared, it will be him... The second I see him, it will be him..." She just bawled... "But I don't know if I can let go of what we have... And it's not right... I care about you... you are more than just my best friend... I'm falling in love with you! I don't know if I can be with him with out wondering about you."

I pulled her into my arms. "That's why you've stayed away from us..." 

"How can I tear the two of you apart? You're brothers!"

"Sarah, Shannon doesn't think you will forgive him. I forgave Jeanette... She forgave me. We felt the same way.... That is why I need you to talk to him... Face to face... Make sure I'm what you want. You don't have to do it tonight... I'm sorry... Tonight..." I held her close until I feel her pull away...

She looks me in the eyes... "I have to know Jared.... I can't just walk away from you..." She kissed ME! My knees almost buckled like a fucking love sick teenager! I wanted her SO bad!  I feel her break our kiss and whispers between kisses, "I'll talk to him... But not tonight... Tonight, I want to forget the pain... Tonight, I just want you..."

I kiss her as we fall on the couch, she straddles me and we make love for the first time in a month....