30-Something Reality

Disturbed

I was curled up in my bed just crying as Shannon held me. A knock came from my door. My father answered it as I came flying out of my room to see my daughter sleeping in my mother's arms as she drank a bottle.

An officer stood at the door and was of course welcomed in by my father. "Who is Sarah?" He softly asked.  I slowly stepped forward. "This was in Nicole's belongings.  It was addressed to you. The toxicology reports came back that Nicole was clean when she died. Mike had a buddy of his with him on the trip and he got blazed off Heroin and bath salts and killed Mike and Nicole before he held a local diner at gun point." The officer stopped. The man of probably 20 years on the force just looked as though he had seen so much death in his days. His olive skin looked almost un aged for his trials. "We were able to subdue him about an hour ago and got everything out of him" He stopped and took one more ragged breath. "He broke free and it was a suicide by cop. He was eliminated before he killed a rookie female officer."

I just grasped the paper of the envelope in my hand. I could feel Shannon's arms around my waist.  I knew if he let go I would be in the floor all over again.

The officer explained that if they found anything else they would let us know. He left and I could see the pain in his dark brown eyes as he slowly placed his cap back on his head and exited my apartment.

It was two days before Saint Patrick's Day. A day that Nicole and I would celebrate together for a different reason. Nicole and I had a different bond that no one knew of. I slowly sat down on the sofa and curl up into a ball as I slowly open the folded papers in the open envelope.

"Sarah... Siren {LoL}

I just want to say that since the day I met you as you were leaving the dorm room that day, I never thought my life would turn out the way it did. You saved my life. And I could never thank you enough. March 17 will be forever known as the day you gave me the one thing I never had in my life... A sister. You told me I was better than the drugs I was using to tell me that I was worth it. That the guys I was sleeping with to get my drug money were not worth my 'awesomeness' as you called it. You told me that I was worth more than the needles you caught me with that I had stolen from the nurses' offices. You showed me that a resident advisor could be more than just a yuppie that had their head up the Dean's ass so they could have power and a roomy dorm set up. You showed me that college was more than parties and how high I could get. You were the first person since my father died that showed me that someone believed in me. I will never be able to give you what you given me. But I hope having this small piece of your heart back will show you how much you give light to other people. I love you sister.

Love,

Nikki"

I just cried. Shannon held me and just didn't let go.

"She was clean because of you Siren. You were the one that found her when she overdosed. You called the ambulance just in time. If you hadn't done the CPR to keep her heart going and her breathing she wouldn't have been able to walk into that meeting  9 years ago." Jean cried as she curled up beside me and her arms replaced Shannon's.

"She was not supposed to die because of the drugs damn it!" I curled further into Jeans arms. "She wasn't supposed to die at 30! She was supposed to be a mom! She was fucking pregnant!" I bawled.

Jared just looked like someone punched him. "Mike was going to asker to marry him at dinner for her 9 year anniversary."

How were we supposed to be celebrating when there is nothing but devastation.