30-Something Reality

Jared's Confession...

JARED's P.O.V

Siren was fast asleep and my dick had finally calmed down. So I was able to slip out of her room and back out into the living room. Connie was asleep in the cradle in the corner. Shannon was cuddled up with Jeanette on the couch... He was asleep... Jeanette saw me and slowly slid away from Shannon so she didn't wake him.

"Your mom went back over to our appartment and Tomo and Vickie took LoLa for a walk. Is she okay?" Jeanette walked over and joined me on the balcony.

"Yeah... She is fine... She's asleep..." I turned around and looked at Jeanette... "I need to talk to you..."

Jeanette looked at me puzzled... "Okay... What's wrong Jared?"

"I love her more than I ever thought I could... But something's just not right!" I look in her eyes and she is in SHOCK! "Siren's hiding something... I can't be sure... But..." I looked at Jeanette and saw straight into her through her emerald eyes! I didn't think about anything except for her lips... I kissed Jeanette... I pulled her face to me and kissed her like I should have the first time I kissed her on the bus MONTHS before...  When I was finally able to pull myself away from her... I saw the look in her eyes... She was confussed as hell! "I don't know!" I pulled away from her... "I don't know!... I just didn't think..."

Jeanette looked at me and a tear fell down her face... "You can't tell me you don't love me! That just proved it!"

"I never said I didn't! Can't you see how fucked both of us are in the head over this!?" I snapped! "She is in there trying to get me to make love to her... And I can't!" I pulled Jeanette to me and pulled her into me again! The look in her eyes melted through me... "The second she asked me to, the only thing that went through my mind was I couldn't... As much as I wanted her... I couldn't..." I kissed Jeanette again and felt her pull away.... "Isn't this what you wanted?" I hold her face close to mine... I stare into her eyes...

"Yes, but not like this!" She pulled completely out of my arms... "You're just runing from the fact that she your brother may have broken through to her! That is the ONLY reason you are here Jared!"

"How can you say that?" I moved towards her...

"You said it yourself... She was asking you to move quicker than you wanted to because you know she is afraid... So you're running from the fact she could choose him!"

I had enough.... "Then why was it YOU in my mind I was getting ready to fuck and NOT her!" I screamed! Just then I saw my brother standing in the open doorway to the balcony... I sighed and took a deep breath... "And I'm pretty sure it was Shannon she wanted in her mind... She's running and I am afraid she's going to run straight into something none of us can fix..."

Shannon just stared at me and Jeanette... Jeanette stared at me then at Shannon.. 

"Are you saying you don't love Siren?" I hear Jeanette's voice... "Or you want..."

"I DON'T HAVE A CLUE... But when I was in there with her... She kissed me and things got carried away... and.... She pulled the whole submissive card... And I lost sight of her... I saw you! And I think she was flashing back to Shannon. And I knew... if I didn't stop... We weren't going to be able to turn back from what was going to happen..." I sat down on the chair out on the ledge  by the railing... I put my head in my hands and just sat there...

Shannon put his hand on my shoulder... "You don't want to destroy her... I get that! But what am I suposed to do? She still wants you? It's obvious you want her..."

"Not at that price Shannon... She may not remember the kiss you told us about right now... But when she does... You need to be the one to remind her how she felt... What just happened with her... I can't let it happen again... She makes me weak... I love her... But I don't think she knows how bad either of us are running from what we REALLY want...  We were both pissed... and hurt... and lost... And we just clung to each other... I love her Shannon... But we are just so lost... And I think we both see it now...And all we are doing is clinging to what we know is safe..." I got up and touched Jeanette softly on the face... "I'm sorry.. I think I hurt you worse than I meant..."

"Jared... I told you I wouldn't turn you away... I came back for you! And if you want me, I'm yours... But I won't be your second choice!" The tears streamed down her face...

"You would NEVER be a second choice!... I am just a little lost... I'm finding my way back... I just have to make sure she finds her way back too..." I kiss Jeanette and pull something out of my pocket... "My brother's not the only one who couldn't let go..." I show her the box I carried with her ring in it... "When the time is right... I'll be happy to return it to you! But I have to make sure my best friend finds her way back to where she belongs first."

Shannon looked like he was going to pass out... "I don't want to know what brought you out of her room and back into Jeanette's arms... But don't let me find out you fucked her and then..."

"Shannon I couldn't... the look in her eyes when she begged me to make love her...." I started to cry... "She wasn't asking for me... And when I kissed her... It wasn't her I was kissing... " I pulled Jean closer into my arms... "After everything we have talked about today... and how things have gone... I can't keep fighting what I was running from... I'm so sorry... Please let me help her find her way back... I'm begging you... Don't give up on me yet... I can't love her the way I love you... And I have to help my brother remind her why she fell in love with him... I have to fix this for her before I can make things up to you..."

"Jared..." Jeanette looked me in the eyes... "Just help my sister find her way back to Shannon and I'm yours... I always have been... Always will be..." She kissed my lips softly... I wanted to hold her in that kiss... 

"I'm so sorry" I whisper... "I love you Jean..."