30-Something Reality

Road Life...

The days were flying by on the road... Shannon and I were getting stronger together than we had been before... Jared and Jeanette had become almost as close. Vickie would go back and f.orth between meeting up with us and back to their place in Detroit. We were in Whasington State for a few days, and for a couple of different shows.  The L.A. concert had been pushed back and moved so they could do 2 shows and an Artifact screening over 3 days... So the additional dates we added in after I started to heal, were a really nice bonus with Shannon by my side. So to speak... We were all traveling the same way we had been. Jeanette and I in the bus with the big bed in the back and the boys all traveling in the main bus. 

Jeanette had already left the busses and headed into the hotel with LoLa... I was gathering up the last of my things so I could meet Shannon in our room. I heard a knock at the door... "Come in!"

"Hey Siren! How is the momma to be doin?" Jared's voice rang through the bus. He and I had spent a lot of time together working on music and a few ideas we had for a photo book with the photos that Jeanette and I had taken on tour... It was a surprise for her!  But it would also be for sale on tour... The money would benefit the PitBull Rescue and Co-Op from back home in Maryland. Yet another surprse Jared and I had worked on for people who honestly deserved the help! I was glad he had stopped by! We had also been getting extremely close.... We were honestly best friends....

"Not sure how I have stuck out on the road this long.... It's starting to drain me...What is it now, a little over 5 months in.... baby Leto is starting to kick momma's ass already!" I laughed..."They are already just like daddy wanting to move around and I think they are trying to play drumms in there!" I laughed as the baby actually was moving around in my stomach.... I grabbed Jared's hand and put it where the movement was... "Jared, feel it?" I looked at him with the biggest grin on my face!

The look on his face was priceless!  "I bet you that baby will be sporting Mars gear the day that he or she is born!" The baby kicked him again... "Speaking of... have you two picked a name? And when are you two finding out if it is a boy or a girl?"

I was just far enough to find out... "I don't know if we are going to! I never asked him! And I have a few ideas, but I haven't brought them up to him yet." I looked at him and smiled as he finally pulled his hand away. "You and Jeanette talked about kids yet?"

He just smiled... "Yeah we've talked about it... We decided against it for now..." Jared seemed distant... To be honest so had Jeanette... "Things have gotten a little rough... A few of the fans have tried a few things that she didn't expect...."

"Jared... you tried to warn Shannon of the same thing with me.... I told her it wasn't going to be easy Jared... I know... or do we not remember that fiasco that almost cost me my little nuckler...."

"Your little nuckler...." Jared chuckled.

"Hey! No laughing... I don't know what to call them yet!" I smiled and 'punched' him in the arm... "Shannon came up with it! He says their nuckling the drums till they get sticks in their hands!" I announced proudly... "Besides... Shann thinks it's cute..." I got a little sheepish... The hormones were killing me too!

"Can I ask you something?" Jared sounded different... I looked up at him and he made sure we were the only ones in ear shot... "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I had been the one who tracked you down in D.C."

Jared was close to me... he was my best friend... He and I had conversations that I had never had with Shannon... or even Jeanette! But was he serious! I was almost 6 months pregnant with his BROTHER's child!

"Jared... please tell me you're kidding! You and I had our chance... All you did was tell me how much he loved me and that..."

"I still cared..." Jared was inches from me... my growing belly didn't help... Just then his phone rang...  I knew by the ring tone it was Jeanette...He let it ring..." Siren... I can't get over what happned while you and I were together... I mean... Before Jean got here... I mean... Last night at the show in Portland... I saw you taking pictures.... Siren... what if that was our baby and not Shannon's?" He got closer than before.... I knew what was coming...

Thankfully my phone rang before he could kiss me... It was Shannon... I backed away.... "Jared... I have to..." I picked up my phone... "Hey Shannon!..."

"What did you want to do today beautiful? I talked to Jeanette and she was going to see if Jared wanted to go on a group picnic..." I heard Shannon's voice almost bounce as he spoke... 

"I'm feeling a little tired so I was wondering if we could stay in... I wanted to talk to you about baby stuff anyway babe... Can we just order something? Or just make something? I have a craving for mac and cheese... and Neither of you would eat it anyway... So... why don't you just go and I'll take a cat nap..."

"What's wrong... I don't like the sound in your voice..." I didn't say anything.... "Siren, please talk to me... What is wrong?" I heard Shannon's voice change...

I looked at Jared and felt helpless... "Nothing babe... I'm just tired and the more I try to get done and thought about for the projects I'm working on... And I'm just worn out baby.."

"Okay... that's fine... Jared is no where to be found anyway... How bout I meet you in our room in an hour and I will see if Jeanette and I can get in and out of the local farmer's market with out causeing a scene... " Shannon seemed almost like a different person. It had taken a lot for him to not treat me like I was going to break every time I moved... "You have always told us when it is too much... Today is all yours baby... I'll meet you in our room... I love you!"

I looked at Jared.... I felt guilty... "I love you too Shannon... Hurry back... This baby is going to drive me crazy if I dont feed them soon!" We both chuckled and I could almost see Shannon's face beaming as he hung up the phone... I looked over at Jared... "Why wouldn't you answer for Jeanette... What's really going on Jared?" I took his hand cautiously and sat down with him on the sofa.... "You and I have always been able to talk about everything... All you have done is talk about my sister. How much you loved her... So what is going on J?"

"J..." He laughed... "So now I'm J..." He just smiled and shook his head... "Jeanette is perfect! You have to understand... I have NEVER ben so happy! I love the way we are when we are together. But she seems restless, and distracted... And I know I have been..."

"Jared... you are a busy man... I've always known everything you do for this band... " I put my hand on top of his... I didn't realize till it was too late that I shouldn't have done that... Jared quickly leaned over and tried to try and kiss me... "Jared Leto! You better pray I don't tell your brother and my sister....! This can't be happening again! I'm not going to let you screw this up for me and Shannon!"

"So you are willing to walk away from the person you are really in love with?" Jared sat back and just looked at me...

"Get out Jared... I'm done! I'm going back to Maryland until the tour is over... If Shannon wants to move out there then great! If not, I will move to L.A.... but not until the baby is born... I can't keep doing this!"

"Why? What can't you keep doing!?" Jared grabbed my arm as I tried to walk by... "Please... I'm sorry... Don't leave... My brother would fall apart with you gone... And honestly... so would I..."

"Then stick to the woman you put a ring on Jared! Leave me alone!" I was furious! I pulled my arm away, grabbed my back pack and purse, "Jared... you and I had a chance... we walked away from it so you could go after my sister!  I'm telling Shannon I can't do the road anymore... I'm done! I refuse to loose him or this baby because you are being an ass!" With that I turned and left the bus...