30-Something Reality

Sorting Things Out

SIREN's P.O.V.

I woke up the next morning and looked over at Jeanette sleeping on the opposite side of my king size bed. I had never once heard my daughter during the night... I grabbed my robe and headed out into the kitchen. Jared was passed out on the couch with a baby monitor next to his head. I looked around and in Shannon's room... He was knocked out in bed with his right arm laying over into Connie's cradle... The baby monitor next to Shannon's head on his night stand above Connie's head... 

I look in the cradle and see my daughter sleeping away....  Shannon's asleep on his stomach with his hand laying on our daughter... I slowly reached in and tried to kiss my daughter... Shannon came FLYING up out of the bed! He saw it was me and stopped just before he drew back his fist! Jared came flying in behind me and pulled me out of the way just in case.... 

"I don't know how I heard you... But when I looked up, I saw you lean down... And I know how light Shann has slept last night... I wasn't going to let anything happen to you baby.... I know my brother would NEVER hit you... But scaring the shit out of him as he is taking care of his daughter would SERIOUSLY be a trigger for EITHER of us to swing..." Jared just held me in his arms... CLOSE! He spun me around and pulled me into him. I slowly slid my arms around Jared. "Are you okay? What's wrong? What on EARTH made you think that trying to sneak in here before you woke me up would be a good idea?" Jared pulled me to him and kissed my forehead...

"I just wanted to kiss Connie good morning... I slept the whole night through and woke up with out her next to me... I just wanted to see her... I'm sorry..." I started crying... "I wasn't trying to upset you..."

"These fucking hormones are driving you nuts..." I hear Shannon laugh... "I'm just glad I realized it was her! Siren I'm sorry... I would NEVER raise my hand to you like that... I'm SO sorry..."

Jared pulled me to him closer... I looked up into his eyes... and I just pulled away from him and picked Connie up, and walked out of Shannon's bedroom. Connie stayed asleep in my arms and I went to the kitchen and started her morning bottle, the coffee pot, and the tea kettle. I pulled the frozen home made pecan twirls and put them in the oven as it warmed up and baked breakfast.

I hear someone come up behind me and I turn around to see Jared standing in front of me... "What's wrong Siren? You're NOT yourself!"

I grabbed Connie's bottle and moved away from Jared. "I don't want to talk about it... Just drop it and go tell Jean that breakfast is in the oven." I test my daughter's bottle and went around the kitchen island and Jared who was blocking my way again! "Back the fuck off Jared! I'll fucking walk away from everything and fucking disappear! Just leave me the fuck alone!" I held my daughter close to me and walked towards Connie's room and closed the door...

I was in tears as I sat in the glider and held my Princess in my arms and just rocked her... She was half way through her bottle when Jeanette quietly knocked on the door and poked her head in.

"What happened sis?" I hear her voice... She sees I'm upset and comes in to sit on the day bed next to the glider. "You weren't like this before Jared and I left last night. What happened?"

"I know Jared kissed you! And I kissed Shannon... I'M ANGRY! Shannon promised to keep to himself and Jared promised not to lie to me! AND YOU!" I was furious! "The ONLY reason I know.... is because I could smell his fucking cologne on you last night when you climbed into MY bed! WHEN Jean? While I was asleep? After he told me he still wanted to marry me? Why the FUCK would he kiss you RIGHT after he tells me he wants to be with me? And WHY the fuck would Shannon make a move on me if YOU and MY boyfriend hadn't already made your choices!"

Jeanette looked like a dear in the headlights! "Siren I..."

"Shove it Jeanette! You NEVER called me Siren! You've always called me Sarah... When did shit change?" I pulled the empty bottle from my daugher and pulled her to my shoulder to burp her... "I'm not stupid! I know something is going on with you two! I'm not pissed... I just wish..." I realize I'm still yelling with Connie in my arms.. I put Connie down in her crib.... "I need to leave... I need to think!"

"Hey... No... You need to stay with us..." Jeanette grabbed my arm... I turned around and swung! "What the FUCK!" 

I fell into the floor in a ball crying... I feel arms pull me into them... I push them away and they get tighter... "Why couldn't you two just TELL me! I don't care... Just TELL me he wanted you!" I screamed.... The arms around me pulled me closer... 

"Siren... It isn't her fault... Jared is..."

"Jared is WHAT Shannon? Telling me one thing and her another?!" I bawled as I realize Shannon is holding on to me.... "And YOU!" I try to shove him away... "You and that FUCKING kiss last night while they were gone! You planned the whole FUCKING thing!"

"No!" I hear Jared scream! "I was pissed when I saw him looking at you that way last night... YES... I kissed Jeanette... Yes... I still love her..... But I told her AND Shannon.... I would STILL stand by YOUR choice! My heart could NEVER deny you!"

I feel Shannon pull me closer to him. "Siren... I never meant to hurt you last night... I'm sorry..." I hear Shannon's voice shake... "Please just stay and we will talk about this... I promise not to push you any more... Just stay and talk..."

"You didn't hurt me Shannon! Don't you get that?" I stared at him! "I'm pissed because I can't tell my best friend I don't love him enough to marry him!"

Shannon, Jared, AND Jean all just stared at me as Connie started to fuss... I finally got out of Shannon's arms and picked up my daugher..."Shhhh my little Nuckler... Momma has you...And I will NEVER let ANYONE hurt you!"

 "Can you two give us a minute..." Jared kneels down in front of me as I rock my daughter in the glider... "Give Connie to Shannon... We need to talk... NOW!" Shannon takes Connie from me as Jared pulls me into my bedroom... "I NEVER said I didn't love you! NOR did I say I didn't love you enough to stay with you... But I love her... Yes... I don't love you the same way... But you don't love me the way you love Shannon. How many times have you and I found ourselves in a spot we NEVER thought we would get to?"

"Jared... I..." Jared kissed me before I could say another word... His hands found my face and wrapped around the back of my head as we kissed... I wanted to feel the same fire... But all I could feel was distance... Confussion... Pleading... I pushed him away... 

"You can't kiss me and not think about him can you?" Jared pulled me back to him.... I knew my door was open and I was pretty sure they could hear us... "Siren... I swear to you... If you can kiss me and not think about Shannon, I will walk out there and tell Jeanette it's over for good and I will marry you tomorrow." I felt his finger pull my chin up so i was looking him directly in the eyes... "You can't HONESTLY do that can you?"