Once Upon Online

chapter 41

A couple of days passed since I lashed out on Ryujin. Eva's birthday is also in a couple of days from now. My mom wants to have a big party inviting family and friends.

I haven't been able to spend as much time with Ryujin as I would like since I'm helping prepare for the party. She started working again but remotely since her vacation was only a week. Her boss says she can stay but has to continue working on her projects.

I'm in bed playing with Eva while Ryujin is doing her work. She's sitting at my desk, looking so cute with her focused expression. I'm actually glad that she had to start working again because I wanted to see what it's like with her when she's busy.

I was worried that it's gonna be like Dana where he's too tired from work to spend time with Eva and myself. It's not the case with her. When she takes her breaks, she would spend time with us. She makes sure to have lunch and dinner with us. After work, she still plays with Eva and takes care of me.

Her phone suddenly rings and she answers it right away. "Hey Yuna" she says.

I try not to listen to their conversation but it's hard not to because I'm curious. "No. I'm not back yet... I'm still in Canada... I'm not in trouble, Yuna... They're treating me well, don't worry... Yes I'm taking them... I miss you too. Love you."

Who's Yuna? Why did she say she loves her and what is she taking? I furrow my brows trying to think.

"Why are you frowning?" I look at Ryujin staring at me.

"Um nothing" I say.

"What's on your mind?" She walks to the bed and sits next to me.

"I don't want you to think badly of me" I say.

"Why would I do that?"

"Who's Yuna?" I ask, hoping she won't get mad.

"You thought I would think badly of you because you're curious?" She ask instead.

I nod looking down.

"Yeji, you can ask me anything. I won't think bad of you. Wouldn't it be better that you ask instead of assuming?" She says.

"But Yuna is my sister. She was checking on me" Ryujin smiles at me.

"But what are you taking?" I ask, curiously.

"Ohhh that. Umm I take medications" she nervously say to me. I look at her feeling confuse, "Medications for what?"

"I take antidepressants" she says not making eye contact with me.

"You have depression?" I ask to confirm.

She nods and she looks nervous for some reason.

"I never would have thought. You seem so positive all the time" I sit closer to her and hold her hand.

I can't believe she has depression. She looks so scared right now. Why? I look at our hands and she's shaking. Why is she so nervous?

"Why are you shaking?" I ask.

"I'm afraid this is gonna be a deal breaker for you. Knowing I suffer from depression" she says in such a low voice, I barely understand it.

"How long have you known?" I squeeze her hand.

"I guess I've always suffered from it but I didn't get the proper help until after high school. My dad didn't believe in mental illness so I couldn't just go and ask him that I need help. I couldn't sign up for anything without him knowing because I'm under his insurance. When I turned 18, that's when I went to see a therapist and a psychiatrist but I had to lie to my dad and said I'm going because of my anger issues which he believed."

"Are you going to leave?" She whispers looking at our hands.

I let go of her hand and I quickly hug her, "Why would I leave? It's not like you're a bad person. You're still you. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I ask.

"I thought maybe you wouldn't want to be with someone who has depression."

"Have you ever attempted to you know?" I hint of whether she's thought of taking her own life.

"I've thought about it but i was too much of a coward to follow through" she says sadly.

The thought of her not being in this world anymore makes my heart hurt. How can someone so kind and positive be suffering? I guess what they say is true, the saddest people smile the brightest.

"If ever you feel like that again, come to me, call me, do something that will help you. Okay? Ryujin, I don't want to lose you okay? Promise me that you won't do that, okay?" I try to hold back my tears.

"I love you Ryujin. I'm here for you" I say.

She actually cries while holding on to me, "Thank you for understanding. I was so worried you wouldn't accept me anymore."

"Just know that you're not alone. You have me. You can talk to me and I'll be your support when things feel extra hard" I kiss her head.

I think this is one of the first times where I'm comforting Ryujin. Usually it's always the other way around. I really can't believe she's suffering from depression. She's always helping others be happy.

"You're amazing you know?" I say. She pulls away from me.

"What? Why so sudden?" She wipes her tears.

"Because all this time you're suffering and here you are making people around you happy and always taking care of them" I say.

"I don't want people to feel sad and I don't want them to hurt. I don't want them to feel the things I feel."

Is it possible to fall in love with someone over and over again? The more I learn about Ryujin, the more I seem to love her.

I stand up in front of her and push her down on the bed. I sit on her lap and she puts her hands on my waist. I lean down to kiss her and she kisses me back right away.

"Mommy hurting rujin" Eva says startling the both of us. I get off Ryujin right away and see Eva is now sitting on the floor watching us.

Ryujin laughs and I pick up Eva, "No. Mommy wasn't hurting Ryujin. We were playing" I say which makes Ryujin laugh harder.

"Yes Eva. Ryujin is strong" Ryujin says while flexing her arms.

I shake my head but I smile at her. She brings color into my life. I want to make sure that she knows I'll be there for her and I can help her ease the pain she's feeling.