Once Upon Online

chapter 121

We arrive at the resort and we get in our room. It's a big suite and when you look out the window, you see a really great view of the ocean.

The sun looks like it's about to set and I start to think about my life again. I'm not sure if other people would have moments where they would randomly think about their life back then and compare it to how it is now.

Whenever I experience new things like this is when I usually have those moments happen. I never saw myself leaving Dana's hold so being here in this beautiful resort for a honeymoon is not something I even dreamt of.

"Are you okay?" Ryujin stands next to me then takes my left hand.

I continue looking out the window, "Yes. It's beautiful, isn't it."

"Extremely" I turn to look at her but she's already looking at me.

"I meant the sunset, Ryujin" I chuckle.

"No sunrise or sunset can compare to your beauty" she takes my hand then she brings it up to her lips to kiss it.

"You're so cheesy" I laugh then face the window again.

"I never knew how beautiful the world is. So many different people, different places, different everything. I thought the world is dark and ugly but now I appreciate what's around me."

"I thought dying would be better than spending another second in this world. I hated everything and here I am wishing to live a long life because I want to see what my life is gonna be like when I'm old and wrinkly" Ryujin doesn't say anything and continues to just let me talk while occasionally squeezing my hand.

"I remember one time I thought Eva would have been better off without me. I was ready to go and leave her with Dana because I thought he could provide for her better than I ever could. I was such a mess back then. I didn't know where my life was going. I love being a mom but I remember thinking what am I or who am I if I wasn't a mother? I was so lost in my head and all I could feel was pain and all I could see was darkness ahead."

"So to be here, being able to see the world as something beautiful is what I never thought I would experience" I wipe my eyes before the tears could fall.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but I think you're healing or at least you're not letting your past haunt you anymore" she turns me so I'm facing her and she takes my other hand.

"I don't think you would ever forget the trauma you suffered. I'm sure there's gonna be days where it haunts you more than others. I don't think anyone could ever completely move on and forget but I think as time goes by and being surrounded by people that loves you and cares for you then it becomes easier to live with. It won't ever go away but it will become a distant memory. Something you would look back on and praise yourself that you survived that and now you're living how you want."

Ryujin stares deep into my eyes, "So I just want you to know that if or when those days come where those memories are haunting you to the point that you feel like you're going back to your old mindset, always remember that I'll be with you through the end. Even if you don't remember, I will remind you that I'm not going anywhere. Even if you push me away and you physically push me then I'll come right back."

"I know you see yourself as someone broken but being broken doesn't make you unlovable. Being broken doesn't mean you can't be happy. Being broken doesn't mean no one will want you. You can shatter into a million pieces and I will spend the rest of my life to put you back together. You can continue breaking and I will be there to fix you."

I couldn't take it anymore I throw myself into her arms because I just want her to hold me.

"I'm so grateful for you. If only I can put into words how much I love you, Ryujin" I hold her tight as she rubs my back.