The Dance Part 2

Chapter 280 I Thought I Loved You Then

Every day that passed put more stress on Lila as she waited anxiously for the mail to come. And every day the mail box was empty, her heart sank a little more. It was becoming more difficult to hide her concern and Bam was beginning to notice something wasn't quite right with his wife. She managed to convince him that she was just tired but he was still worried over slight changes in her behavior.

Later that afternoon, the postman showed up with an overnight letter that had been delivered to the mill. Matt managed to sign for it instead of Bam as he noticed the return address was the hospital. He called Jill to pick it up.

Jill rushed the letter to Lila and asked if she wanted her to stay. Lila thanked her for the delivery and asked if she would keep the kids for the evening. "Whatever you need, whenever you need it." Jill was always so generous and gracious to Lila. They had become very close and often were mistaken for sisters by the locals. Lila appreciated having such a confidant in her life. Matt had made a wise choice of a wife.

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"Where are the kids," Bam asked noticing the house was quieter then usual.

"I asked Jill to keep them for the evening. I need to talk with you."

"Sounds ominous."

"It is serious." Lila took his hand and led him to the family room. He sat beside her on the couch waiting for her to reveal whatever secret she was keeping. She took a deep breath and released it slowly. His hand stroked the side of her face sensing her hesitation to share whatever was on her mind.

Lila couldn't find elegant words to share the news and ended up clumsily blurting out her condition. "I'm pregnant."

"Is that what this is all about? That's wonderful news!" He leaned in to kiss her but she pressed her hand to his chest and stopped him.

"Joshua, I'm nine weeks along." The timing obviously wasn't registering with her husband. Tears welled up in her eyes as she explained what she meant. Having to tell him that he may not be the father was the most difficult thing she ever had to say to him. She sat silently as tears streaked down her cheeks waiting for his reaction.

His serious look softened as he could see how hard it was for her to have to admit that was the secret she carried for the past week. He wiped her tears away from her face with his hands. She reached for the envelope that was still sealed. "I had a DNA test. I wanted to open the results with you."

"I don't understand?" His brow furrowed as he asked. "Don't you need two samples to do that?"

"I had two samples. Matt was the second sample because he is your closest family member. I couldn't ask your parents."

"Matt knows?"

Lila answered yes. "Jill does, too."

"And the others?"

"No. Just the four of us."

He reached for her hands as they trembled ever so slightly. "Why didn't you come to me first?" Bam tried to maintain his self-control. His feelings were a mix of anger that Lila had to endure this pain again, disappointment that she felt she couldn't confide in him first, and happiness at the prospect of another Brown baby.

Lila studied her husband's eyes trying to see if it was disappointment or anger that stared back at her. "Things were just getting back to normal between us. Your leaving the last time was hard for me and I thought this news might push you over the edge again."

"But the possibility exists that I am the father?"

Lila nodded in the affirmative. "The doctor can't pinpoint the exact date but you and I were intimate before the...."

He stopped her before she could finish her sentence not wanting to be reminded of the past. "Were you going to tell me that you had concerns?"

"At first, I had convinced myself not to tell you but I didn't want any secrets between us. Secrets are like a disease that eat you from the inside out."

"Then you don't know what the test results are?"

"No. I was scared to open them without you. I thought we could find out the answer together and decide, if we have to decide,  what the next steps would be."

Bam paused for a moment before speaking. "Do you want to know the answer?"

"I don't know. I only know one thing, Joshua. I don't want you to ever stop loving me."

Bam took the envelope from his wife. He crossed the room towards the fireplace resting one hand on the mantle while the other one held the envelope. In one sweeping movement, he tossed the unopened envelope into the fire. Lila watched in shock as the flames consumed the envelope and its contents within seconds.

"Joshua! What have you done?"

He turned to look at her. "I've done the right thing," he answered back. Lila flew to his side wrapping her arms around him and began sobbing against his chest. He held her tightly and tried to soothe her. He gently brushed her hair behind her ear and whispered, "Nothing that is of you can ever be a bad thing. It doesn't change what I feel for you or how I will feel for our baby."

"Our baby?" She whispered back.

"Yes, lovely, our baby. I don't want you to ever feel that you have to hide anything from me just to spare my feelings." He turned her face up to look at his. "You are the best thing that ever danced into my life, Lila J. Regardless of what that paper says, I am going to continue to love you, our kids and this new baby for the rest of my life."

She began to cry again. Through her sobs, she told him, "I didn't think it was possible to love you anymore then I did on our wedding day. I thought I loved you then, but I love you more even now."

"Never doubt my feelings for you. You are my entire world. And if sometimes, I don't show it in the right way, you know now. It has only ever been you."

Matt had been right. Maybe she had been selfish thinking it was her decision alone. Had she not told him tonight, she would have never known how much grace her husband carried inside him. Tonight, she learned just how deep his love was for her. She had also learned that she could never love a man as completely as she loved him. What they had together was immeasurable and infinite and that's all she ever needed to know about him.

"Why don't we go get the kids and let Matt and Jill know were good?" Bam and Lila crossed the compound to retrieve their family. Jill was relieved to see the pair on her doorstep holding hands and invited them in. Matt was rolling on the floor rough housing with his boys and Jace. He jumped to his feet sending the boys upstairs for a break. "So when's the new couch being delivered?" Bam asked casually now realizing that was his brother's cover story to go to Juneau and help Lila.

Matt fumbled for words but his brother stopped him. "No need to explain. I appreciate you helping Lila but from now on, and that goes for you too Jill, no more secrets."

Matt wrapped his arm around his wife's waist. He asked, "Is everything good?" Jill looked to Lila for an answer.

Bam answered the question for both of them. "Everything is as it should be."

Brad Paisley-Then