The Dance Part 2

Chapter 290 Create Beautiful Things

A week had passed and Matt slowly became more comfortable in his daily individual counseling sessions with Vivian. She didn't pass judgements about his past or his choices. He had spoken about his insecurities of being the eldest and always being forced to be the leader of his siblings when his brother was more comfortable in that role. He acknowledged he preferred the role of a free spirited soul not constrained by time or walls or people.

"During tomorrow's session, I would like you to talk about the events that brought you to the point that you began to drink."
Vivian scribbled a few notes in his file. She raised her eyes to see his face change as if the progress he had made was suddemly erased. "Matthew, you can't move forward if you don't find the source of your pain."

Matt felt an uncomfortable cloud settle on him. That period of time was the most difficult for him to think about much less share with anyone outside the family. The guilt he felt was immeasurable as he carried the burden of believing he was at fault. He had let the darkness into their lives. But what troubled him the most is what happened to Lila and the effect it had on his brother. Bam and Lila were the strongest people he knew but even that incident was a test of their commitment to each other. Matt was wracked with a deep seated guilt. Every time he looked at Lila he could only imagine how desperate she must have been to trade her body for her freedom. He wondered if Bam harboured any deep seated resentment towards him. That nightmare was the trigger that pushed Matt back to the bottle.

He only compounded his problem by not sharing his issues with the one person who knew all of his vulnerabilities. He thought he could share everything with Jill and she would neither judge or lecture him. But he didn't give his wife the opportunity to help and inside pushed her away both in the bedroom and in his mind. He felt he could handle his own pain but in the end he couldn't and drinking made him forget the guilt and the pain he had brought on his family.

Vivian could sense his hesitation in his assignment. "Matt, if you don't want to discuss it with me then put it down on paper." She rummaged through her desk and pulled out a spare journal placing it in his hands. Matt ran his hands over the faux turquoise book and read the title on the outside. It simply read in gold script "Create Beautiful Things."

"I'm not much of a writer." He looked at her and tried to hand the journal back.

"Keep it.  Write in it, draw in it, put random thoughts in it. Bring it back to me tomorrow and let's see where the assignment takes you."

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Later that night when the noise of the day had died down and free time was finally his, he opened the journal and began to thumb through the blank pages. He closed the book and tapped his pen anxiously on the cover. He re-read the cover title again. "Create Beautiful Things." So that's what he did as he began to sketch her.

James Blunt-You're Beautiful