The Dance Part 2

Chapter 284 The Stress of It All

Matt threw his things into the backroom of the mill and cursed loudly. He was angry at himself that he had hurt Jillian and jeopardized his relationship with his brother.

How Matt fell out of sobriety had been a slow, steady downfall ever since he realized it was a mistake to hire Nato. He struggled with his need for a good carpenter for his business but he also felt he should have recognized the trouble brewing on the horizon. He chose to keep Nato on and when he kidnapped Lila, Matt felt a wave of guilt beginning to drown him. His problem was complicated even more when he was forced to shoot Nato but the final straw that pushed him over the edge was what Nato had done to Lila and how that affected Bam.

His only comfort was alcohol. His downhill slide had begun. He began drinking again to forget. He drank because no apology could ever right the wrong done to Lila and Bam. He drank to forget he had taken a man's life. He drank to numb his own pain. He kept all of those emotions bottled up inside him eating at his conscience. He couldn't find a release. He couldn't tell Jill. He didn't want to appear weak. And no one noticed his suffering because his family was rallying around Lila and Bam.

Jill was the first one to notice the subtle changes. He lost interest in his desire for her. He was no longer fully engaged in listening to family conversations or participating in family activities. He spent more nights at the mill then ever before. The intimacy of their relationship had changed and when she questioned him about it repeatedly, he used his standby excuse of being tired. Jill could never quite put her finger on what had changed between them but something had. She just never expected it was alcohol abuse. He had struggled in the past with the problem. He had always been upfront about his past. Both of them thought he had laid that problem to rest with their marriage and their boys.

The trauma of Nato's actions and Matt's reactions had triggered old habits. He was too prideful to ask for help not wanting to appear weak-minded to his wife. When he should have been sharing his feelings openly with her and maybe a counselor, he chose to self-medicate.

*********************************
A week had passed since Matt took up residence at the mill. Another week had passed before Jill could even look him in the eye. During the day, she could busy herself at the Art Gypsy but at nights, she missed him terribly. The feel of his cold, empty side of the bed was unbearable. The feel of her head resting on his chest listening to him sleeping left a gaping hole in her chest. Every night for two weeks, she watched him standing at the mill entrance peering up at her window. And every night religiously, she stood in the shadows of their room staring back at him, longing to be with him.

Plain White Tees-A Lonely September