The Dance Part 2

Chapter 292 Beautifully Broken

The words were hard to write as the feelings had been suppressed for so many years. He would start to write, then scribble out the words, only to begin again. He knew what he felt was awkward, at least to him, because he also loved Jill. Jill was never a substitute for Lila. Jill was always his in mind, body and soul. She loved him as completely as any woman could ever love her man. But old nagging feelings lingered unresolved and unsaid. The funny part, he thought, is that Lila herself never suspected his intense feelings for her and neither did Bam much less the woman he would return to in a few weeks.  If he couldn't love Lila as only his, he was content to love her from afar and was happy to be a part of her life with Bam. He knew in his heart after their first meeting that she would always belong to another man and if it had to be Bam, he would gladly step aside. Bam had sacrificed so much for their family growing up.  He was always more fatherly and authoritative than either himself or their own father at the expense of his own happiness. Much of his youth was spent being the caretaker of his family.

It was the image of an old Twilight movie clip that played over and over in Matt's head that reminded him of his situation. It was the scene where Bella told Jacob, "It was always him," as she chose to live her life with Edward. Lila never had to say those words to Matt and in many ways he was happy he never heard her say them. But he knew. He knew from the very moment his brother laid eyes on Lila that she would never be his.

The beautifully broken part of Matt could accept his sacrifice, stepping out of his brother's path, choosing not to vie for her affection. It was the least he could do for him considering that for many years Bam was the defacto leader of their pack always making sure everyone was safe and well cared for and lacked for nothing.

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Jill had put up a strong front but as resilient as she was her home, her heart and her bed remained empty. Laughter no longer filled the space and the frenetic movements of her husband were desperately missed. Almost two weeks of days had been marked off her calendar and two long, lonely weeks remained. Her focus was off. She was finding it more and more difficult to answer the questions from her boys as to when their father would return. The family had not shared the real reason why their father had left so suddenly. There was no need for children's minds to be preoccupied with such adult drama.

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"Can you manage without me today?" Jill looked up from her paperwork as Bam perused the daily shipping schedules.

Without looking up from his work he asked, "Got something special planned?"

Jill told him she had an appointment that would tie her up for a couple of hours. It was only a small white lie. She just never shared the exact details of what she really had planned.

Back at her house, she gathered her things and a rather large bulky rolled canvas. She was going to the rehabilitation facility even though she knew they wouldn't grant her access. All she wanted was to be near him even if a wall and a problem divided them.

The drive was long but she was determined to make it before noon. When she arrived at the center, it was obvious she would not be able to get past the security gate. Frustrated, she parked on the side of the road. She exited her vehicle and began to walk the perimeter of the fence until she found a spot that aligned directly with a bank of windows. Her thought was that the windows must be a common room or a dining hall. This would be the perfect spot for her surprise. She hustled back to her truck and grabbed the canvas she had packed along with three tall wood sharpen stakes from the mill. With all her strength she plunged the first stake in the ground counting off equal steps between the first and the last. When she was satisfied with their position, she carefully attached her canvas to the first post stapling it in place. She continued to unroll the canvas attaching it to the remaining poles. When she was finished, she stood back from her masterpiece and eyed its simple perfection.

Every night for the past week, she painted an oversized canvas banner after the boys went to sleep. And every night as it dried in the shop, she would wash her brushes, go to bed and plot just how she would reveal her message.

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Matt usually ate his lunch alone peering out the windows in the dining room longing to be on the outside. As he picked up a tray for lunch, he noticed a number of his group gathered at the windows and a flurry of commotion. Not one to miss out on anything, Matt set his tray down in his usual spot and sauntered to the window.

"Whatcha' all gawking at?" He asked. "Is it a bear?"

He heard someone ask, "Who is MJB?"

A guy from his group answered back. "I don't know but whoever he is, he's a lucky bastard."

Matt squeezed his way to the glass and peered in the direction that everyone pointed. What he saw as did everyone else in the dining hall was a long banner with  words emblazoned in green letters...

MJB, I'LL BE RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU. MORE. JHB

"Aha! That's me. I'm MJB. And JHB is my wife." His broad smile said it all. With two weeks left, he knew now more than ever that he could finish this journey because she would be right there at home waiting for him to return triumphant in his sobriety.

Jill couldn't tell from her position if anyone saw the banner much less read the message. She hoped someone would and she hoped it  would be him.

Matt bolted for the door asking for his fellow residents to create a distraction as staffers started to notice the ruckus. As staff pushed their way to the windows, Matt slid stealthily out the door. He ran with the speed of a deer to the fence calling her name. Her fingers laced through the chain link fence desperately longing to touch him.

Matt practically slammed into the fence happy to see her. His fingers reached through the openings in the fence trying to feel the warmth of her touch.

"You look good, Mattie." Jill could see the sparkle in his eyes coming back. His time away had been good for him.

"I've missed you. And the boys." His fingers lay on top of hers through the fence.

"They ask about you every day." She responded.

"I'm sorry I had to put you through this. I never meant to let things get so out of hand. I thought...I thought I could handle things on my own."

"You're here getting better. That's all that matters. I am counting the days until you come home."

"Me too. I'm getting a little tired of cafeteria food."  Jill laughed at his comment knowing he savoured a good slab of venison.

Over Matt's shoulder, Jill could see a pair of staffers headed in their direction. "Uh oh, trouble's coming."

Matt turned to see Vivian and a male staffer approaching and Vivian didn't look happy. "Baby, I've got to go. Leave it to you to do something crazy like this."

"Mattie, I love you." She did her best to hold back her tears wanting to leave this brief exchange on a happier note.

"More, babe. Tell Bam everything is good here. I know he worries."

Jill nodded as she watched him walk backwards refusing to break eye contact with her. Vivian exchanged a few sharp words with Matt as the male staffer took hold of his arm to escort him back inside.

Vivian walked to the fence line stopping to read Jill's banner. She was perfunctory in her comments. "Mrs. Brown, we don't allow visitors for a reason. It only distracts from our work with your husband."

Jill carefully eyed Vivian. For a counselor, she was prettier than Jill expected. Her red hair was pulled in a tight bun neatly secured in behind her head. Her green eyes and pale skin made her unusally beautiful. If Jill were an insecure woman, she would have been jealous. Instead she replied, "You've never been in love, have you?"

Vivian didn't answer the question. "My point exactly." Jill replied in a cool manner. She stood her ground on the outside of the fence as Vivian turned and walked away.

Plumb-Beautifully Broken