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《MJ》Allyssana Lavender Williams and....

Reviewer:- writes_love01

Allyssana Lavender Williams and the golden group by Creative_prankster

Cover- 2/5
the cover actually needs some improvement. It looked unprofessional and also I'm not sure if that's gonna attract people.

Title- 3/5
I don't know if the names in the title are one name or three different names and it is still confusing since I have no idea about what it is

Blurb- 6/10
The blurb can have a bit more of what is going to happen. It kinda was plain and had nothing much to look onto. Add something that can make the reader hook onto it?

Plot- 15/20
The plot sounds uhh kinda too fast. Like, I don't know how the characters just are so fast in things in real life and there was nothing that was making me feel good about the plot. Even though it is taken from Harry Potter, there is kinda something that is hindering.

Character Development- 6/10
The pace of the characters was a bit too rapid. And there were a bit too many characters and less proper description about them. Try giving some time on improving them and also making sure not just you, but the readers can understand the characters too.

Originality- 3/5
The book lacked a lot of originality. It was from Harry Potter, I know, it is fantasy, but everything has originality in its own way. And maybe that's because the flow of the book wasn't pretty much good. It was really broken and maybe just giving quite a description of what is happening or how it is happening might help.

Grammar/Spelling- 10/20
The grammar and spelling need a lot of improvement. There is kinda a lot of mistakes and especially with the dialogues. There's a lot of mistakes if I say and it's hard to note them all down. So, to make it simple, I am just suggesting you use an application or software to find out and help you out with grammatical errors and punctuation. Grammarly and Linguix are two applications that are freely accessible all around the world on any device.
And when you use the commas for dialogue, make sure it doesn't leave space between the words.
"I am writing," he said. ✔
" I am writing he said. ❌
" I am writing" he said. ❌

An example of how you should write and the rest two are how you wrote.

Style- 6/10
Your writing style is kinda amateur, but it would be fine with practice. You have given just one line to finish a whole scene sometimes which is kinda too little description about the scenes, characters or the story itself. You can try to improve a bit there, I guess.

Engagement- 5/10
I wasn't much entertained with the story with all the above reasons I stated. It was less entertaining as I read. Even though the cliff hangers didn't help much ;-;

Presentation- 2/5
The way you presented your story was a bit plain since the descriptions, characters and much more of the story was kinda plain and humdrum.
Total: 58/100

You'll get better at it, don't worry! Just read books related to your genre and think of how you can improve or read blogs or watch videos on how to write. Just find it in yourself most importantly!

~MJ