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《June》Axel's Promise

Axel's Promise by AliciaLaBatti 

Reviewer: june_berrin 

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.It was a great story and I enjoyed it. 

 ❥ Title:

The title revolves around the story well. It has a major connection to the plot. But I do suggest rephrasing the title from Axel's promise to The promise of Axel or something, so the title becomes more attention-seeking. 

 ❥ Cover:

The cover is good, but I suggest making the guy a bit smaller and showing more of the background. Yet it still looks good and is appealing to the eye. 

 ❥ Blurb:

The blurb is a bit confusing for me. What I understood from the blurb is that Axel promised to keep Xenia safe (nice name tho) and there is a Giant Realm parallel to our world, but does that Realm has a name? If so, then mention it, because the Gaint Realm just seems a bit off to me.

Axel, a dove and his two female companions; Fable and Serina. I suggest instead of writing a white dove, write it in a possessive manner, like axel, his dove or his pet dove? Or something.

They are tasked to protect but the next paragraph is the confusing part. The 'three White Doves'? There was only one dove mentioned but if you meant the three companions and the dove then please add punctuation or something to separate them. If not then exaggerate or make it more clear.

❥ Storyline: 

The storyline is unique and interesting. The opening was good and the chapters had great content. But I still think you need to use a bit more descriptive and creative writing of the surroundings making it easier for the readers to visualise. 

 ❥ Characters: 

The characters were a bit confusing, are they all doves? Because they are living in a nest and the blurb you said it to. I think you need to upload a chapter, where you explain a bit more about your story settings and characters' worlds. I have seen many writers do this, and it has helped clear up a lot of confusion. 

 The characters were well developed, but you need to improve more on the portrayal part of their emotions but overall good. 

 ❥ Grammar and Punctuations: 

The thing that disturbed me the most was the pronouns. I have noticed that after every sentence, you use the names again. It is just a bit of a turn-off. You don't need to start with the names after the end of every sentence. Like for example: 

'Jane was a nice girl, she lived in Rose Village. Her father was a farmer.' 

 See? Here, I used the she/her pronoun in the next sentence also, you only need to use the names again if you are talking about more than one character in a paragraph. Apart from that, there are some punctuation problems and a few grammatical errors. 

 ❥ World and Settings: 

As a reader who has no idea about your world or setting, I have to say it was extremely confusing for me to understand it. I recommend you go slower, slowly introducing each element and character. Let the reader remember and understand it. Also, I still highly recommend writing a chapter about your world and settings. 

 ❥ Conclusions: 

Overall, the story was good but difficult to understand. But still, I enjoyed the interaction between the characters and the way you wrote it. Great job! With that tho is the end of the review. I hope you find it helpful. 

 Best wishes!