Rosete | REVIEW SHOP [CLOSED]

《June》Affections

Reviewer: june_berrin
Written by: Siya_Stark3000

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

It was a great story and I enjoyed it.

❥ Title: An ordinary title which is simple and direct. It gives the reader a gist from the story.

❥ Cover: A very beautiful cover. It will surely attract a lot of drinny fans with its splash of colours giving the cover a magical effect as it needs.

❥ Blurb: The blurb is well written and structured. Reading the blurb it gives the readers an idea of how the story is going to be. It also has a lot of details from the plot but I have to point that there are some grammatical errors spotted which can be easily corrected with some proofreading.

❥ Storyline: The storyline is very unique and is very different from what I was expecting from a drinny fanfic. Making Harry a small kid while Draco looked after him. The cute interactions shared between them and the way you have managed to write the story in a way similar to JK Rowling’s language, especially the dialogues. You have written the story very well using great words.

❥ Characters: From the beginning itself you have developed Draco’s character very well, letting the readers know what happened to him and how much he has changed. And you have portrayed Harry and other characters just as well.

❥ Grammar and punctuations: Your grammar was not on point, and I think you need to edit the story a bit. I have read the comments of the readers too and I have spotted a lot of them giving you very helpful advice to improve your story, so I highly suggest you imply them in your story.

A lot of punctuation problems were detected. I think you can make small sentences join together with the help of conjunctions and commas. Dialogues can be written in a different line and not in between a paragraph so that the reader can easily read them. Each dialogue can be written in a separate sentence.  The words which are written in inverted commas can be changed to italics.

❥ The pace of the story: The pace of the story was good but at some parts for example the scene where Harry is turning into a small kid, and where you write everybody's reactions, there the pace was fast. This is just an example, and I have spotted this in a lot of areas.

❥ Conclusions: The story is really good and as I have already said if you check your comment section, you can find a lot of suggestions to improve your story for the better. And with that, this is the end of the review, hope it was useful and have a good daysparkles

Best Wishes