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《Ria》Call

Reviewer: conteuseconqueror

Call by jikook889

• Writing style and voice - 20/25%
Focusing on this alone, Call was nicely written. With proper revision, the story would be good enough. It was easy to understand and your dialogues were full of emotion, something that I always looked into when reviewing/proofreading stories.

• Plot: 18/20%
The plot was exceptional. There are many lessons imbedded in every chapter that reflects on what some people face in real life, and you wrote it in such a way where it was easy to sympathize with the characters.

• World-building - 14/15%
There were no complicated details. You didn't put much but also not too little, just enough to understand. I guessed you also researched about the bridges, even the police stations, and for that, you earned a high score. Not all writers do that when plotting a story despite it being crucial.

• Climax - 8/10%
There was already a build-up from the first chapters but it still kept me anticipating for everything else. Overall, I commend you for writing it that way.

• Characters - 10/10%
The way you portrayed Yoongi and Jimin as flawed made Call miles better. They complimented each other in a way where one needed saving and the other did just that. Again, it was beautifully written.

• Grammar - 4/10%
These are where you fell back: grammar, punctuations, and format.

First, capitalization. Only capitalise names, titles, the first letter in sentences, proper nouns, and a person's title when plsced before their name (if you need examples, I put those in my first review).

As for the grammar, you had a few mistakes and was inconsistent with your verb tenses.

If you started off with past tenses, make sure it would stay that way until the end of the story. Same thing if it was in present tense.

Next is the format. You italicized the characters' thoughts (only applicable in 3rd person's POV) and you were correct here, so I would point out the rest that needed revising.

You italicized words that didn't need to be emphasized, like "backwards", "sadistically", "dark, sugarless coffee", "headset", etc. Some were correct but not all. The ones I listed were better when left alone.

Aside from that, you made the words bold when it was Jimin who was speaking over the phone. I suggest just using italic for that.

You also didn't need to turn words like "code zero" to bold, "off again", "victim", "perpetrator", etc. If you really needed to emphasize those (like victim and perpetrator), just italicize them. No need to use bold.

Exaggerating everything would make stories look cluttered and inconsistent. It woyld also be hard to read for some people and to make sure that their experience was good, major changes had to be made.

• Blurb/story description - 3/5%
Your description was alright and straight to the point. I suggest changing the first paragraph's last sentence to "One day, he gets a call from Park Jimin, a boy who wants to end his life.". Don't call Jimin weird because according to the story, he was going through something. This way, readers would be able to sympathize with him without disregarding his condition.

I would also recommend changing the verb tenses to past tense so it could match the story.

• Title - 4/5%
It was simple but intriguing. It would leave people to think. "What was the call about?" "Why was it the title?" "What was in the story?" With that, your title matched the story well.