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《Ana》The Legacy of the White Dragon

Reviewer : ceo_kjinnie

“The Legacy of the White Dragon” by kimmerman

➼COVER (5/10)
When I read the title in your form, I pictured a beautiful white dragon on your cover. So when I found out the cover was just plain text in a blue background, I was a bit disappointed. I felt there we so many missing elements on the cover. For example, there was no attractive factor that would draw readers into your book. I highly recommend filling a form in a good graphic shop for a better and more attractive cover. (you can always DM me for shop suggestions)

➼TITLE (10/10)
The title relates to the storyline and is appropriate for the plot.

➼BLURB (6/10)
The sizing of the blurb was perfect but it did not entice me to the least.
There were so many unnecessary factors in your blurb, which could be cut out. For example, I don't see the need of adding so many dialogues for the sake of a sneak peek. Just one would be enough if it is intriguing.
Also during the beginning of the description, you mentioned a certain ‘incident’ that changed Bai Long forever. It would be more interesting if you could shed some more light on it without giving away potential spoilers. 

➼PLOT (8/10)
The plot was very well structured and executed properly except for a few places where there were unnecessary breakpoints (I’ll cover this in the writing style part of the review). The central idea of the story was fascinating to read about. It had a normal pace, neither too fast nor too slow.

➼ORIGINALITY (9/10)
Not the newest plot out there. I have read quite a few stories about househusbands and working women, and queendoms before so I can't say it’s completely original but it had your own twists which made it interesting to read.

➼ WRITING STYLE (7/10)
Your writing style was simple and easy to understand. At some places in your book, I noticed that there were unnecessary paragraph splitting and page division that makes it seem like a POV change. I also noticed you italicize a lot. Italics are used primarily to denote titles and names of particular works or objects in order to allow that title or name to stand out from the surrounding sentence. Italics may also be used for emphasis in writing, but only rarely. You can also use italics to represent the thoughts and dreams of the characters,

➼CHARACTER AND STORY DEVELOPMENT (9/10)
The character and story development was gradual. Each and every character was well constructed. I must say, you have portrayed female dominance very well in your book. Bai Long is such a bold character that sets an example for others even though she has flaws of her own. I can't say much about this since the story is still ongoing but I’m sure you will do a great job with the characters that are yet to come as well as with the other segments of the story.

➼SETTING/WORLDBUILDING (7/10)
This is where I felt you could use a bit more explanation. Some places felt bland and under-described which made it hard for me to imagine.

➼GRAMMAR & SPELLING (9/10)
I noticed the usage of wrong punctuation in a few places. Usage of unnecessary commas is one of the biggest yet smallest mistakes authors make. I’m sure you already know this but I recommend using Hemmingway Editor/Grammarly while proofreading to make it simpler. You can also submit a form in an editing shop if you are lazy (like me).

➼ENJOYMENT AND ENGAGEMENT (8/10)
I think this is a great book for readers who enjoy fantasy. Just make the above-mentioned correction and your story will be a perfect read. Keep updating!

➼OVERALL (78/100)
Thank you for choosing me as your reviewer, it was so much fun doing this review! Have a great day/night, Vivian.
                        ~Ana