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《Maria》Killer Instinct: Carrie Unleashed

Reviewer: marshaa1306
"Killer Instinct: Carrie Unleashed" Story by LunarAquarius

Alright, before I begin, I'd like to extend my apologies for this super late review. I'm honestly a bit upset that I didn't read this earlier, though, because I quite enjoyed it! Without further ado, let's get into the critique points:

Title/Cover - 10/10
The title is interesting, to say the least, and it goes along with the whole vibe of the book. By reading it, I know that this isn't going to be some romantic comedy. Things are going to go down in this story.
The cover honestly gave me a bit of a chill. It's a cool aesthetic with the blood on the girl's face and it meshes perfectly with the title. Also, it's simple while conveying the message that you wanted it to convey. Kudos to whoever designed this cover!

Blurb - 10/10
From the moment I finished reading your blurb, I was hungering to see what your book had to offer. It gave the perfect amount of information to give the basic idea of what the story holds while still holding an air of mystery and intrigue. Also, I've got to say, the tagline of "The journey towards redemption has begun" is just awesome.

First few chapters/Exposition - 9/10
Well, things definitely start off with a bang! Just based on your first chapter, I can tell that this book is going to keep me on my toes. Also, the exposition does a good job of introducing the characters, and the characters are introduced in a perfectly subtle way. Instead of saying that Carrie's mother was super religious, you hinted at this fact through Carrie's thoughts when she is not sure about the man and when she's shocked at his compassion.
The one thing that I'd like you to clarify here is the time frame the characters are living in. Are we in the modern day or is this set in the future? Or perhaps it's in the past? This information could have really helped me when I was trying to imagine the setting.

Plot - 18/20
I think your plot is quite well written, but there are some pretty random things that happen that I think need more of an explanation behind them. For example, when Jago and Carrie meet Nima and she offers to help them go to the festival, I felt like it wasn't very believable. Honestly, if I were a complete stranger to you and you overheard me talking about needing help to get somewhere, would you offer to help? Of course you could very well say yes because I don't know what you're like as a person, but I think a lot of people would say no. This is especially true if I didn't directly ask you for your help. I hope you can see what I'm getting at. Now, perhaps the atmosphere of this town is very family-like and the people know each other really well or something. If this is the truth, I can see how Nima would offer her help so quickly. You just need to make this clear in your writing, if this is the case. There are a few other instances like this that I can't think of off the top of my head. While you're writing, just make sure that everything seems logical and has a reason behind it. It is tricky sometimes, but I'm sure you can pull it off.

Pace - 10/10
I think the pacing in this story is nicely done. There's some sort of action in almost every chapter and it makes the story very fun to read. For example, I think Carrie's nightmares usually come out of nowhere and they really get my eyes to fly across the page.

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 10/10
This story's grammar is immaculate! I may have found one or two typos, but your writing is super clean otherwise. Also, I like the vocabulary you used to describe your characters and I enjoyed the overall writing style.

Characters - 14/15

Carrie: I really feel for Carrie since she's had such a traumatic past. It can be so difficult to overcome things like that and you can see that Carrie's mother has made a valiant effort to ruin her. This past of hers makes her astonishingly relatable to anyone who has gone through something like that in their past and it gives a brilliant new perspective to people who may not know what others are dealing with. Truly, this character strikes close to the heart.

Jago: Honestly, Jago kind of reminds me of Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series. He's wise and kind, but he's got a lot of mystery surrounding him and he's pretty vague about his answers. I get the feeling that he's withholding a lot of information from Carrie and I'm eager to find out more about him later in the story.

Nima: To say the least, I love her character. She's such a beacon of light to Carrie and she's a kind soul in a world full of people who are the opposite. Nima reminds me of a good mother that looks out for the people she cares for. I hope she sticks around for most of the story.

Overall Enjoyment - 15/15
I enjoyed reading this story very much; it was an overall good read. The story started out well, had good characters, and had a good amount of engaging action. Nice work!

Total Score: 96/100