Rosete | REVIEW SHOP [CLOSED]

《June》 Destined to be His

Reviewer: june_berrin
Written by: Rhiminmin

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

It was a great story, and I enjoyed it.

❥ Title: A suitable title, that has a direct connection to the plot. Even though such titles are common, I found this one unique. Good job!!

❥ Cover: I see that you have changed your previous one. The current one you have used is a game-changer. It is beautiful and appealing to the eye. I like the castle reference in the back and the colour scheme used. Overall a beautiful yet attractive cover.

❥ Blurb: I have to say that the blurb needs to be proofread again for grammatical errors. And I also suggest adding dialogue or two from the story to make it more interesting. You have given out the right amount from the plot, not too much or not too less. Overall, good blurb.

❥ Storyline: The chapter 'destined to be his' is written in the past tense, so I suggest you change 'Their eyes meet' to 'Their eyes met' also 'as they stare' to 'stared'. But I have to say I really loved the idea behind it and it is well written.

The story is at a fast pace. It felt rushed, which is because of the writing style used. The words don't flow together. In some areas, it was a bit confusing. I think you need to describe their surroundings a bit more, breaking it down to more chapters or so, creating suspense and more tension as you write. I also recommend a bit of creative writing to help enhance your story.

❥ Characters: The characterization needs to be improved. The readers know nothing of the female characters' physical appearance, to the part I have read, there wasn't a lot of mention of it. But it is fine if you want to leave it to the reader's imagination. If you have done that, I suggest that you get them a unique personality or a trait.

❥ Grammar and punctuations: I think this area needs to be improved the most. You can't begin a word with capital letters in the middle of the sentence unless it is a name of a person or place.

Mixed tenses, I have noticed that the verb tenses kept on switching from past to present a lot of times, so I suggest that you proofread it or seek the help of an editor. I also suggest that you break down the paragraphs into smaller ones that would be understandable to read and easier to grasp for the reader. And when you mention something specifically, to highlight them, you need to write it between inverted commas. Lack of punctuation was also there, especially the commas, and also there was unnecessary punctuation

❥ Conclusions: Overall, I liked the concept of your story, but it needs a lot of editing. Reading books by other successful authors would help you improve your writing style and the other issues.

I also apologize for the slight delay that has occurred. I have put out my suggestions and recommendations for most of the problems found, but at the end of the day, you are the author of this story, and it is up to you whether you want to do it or not.

This book has a lot of potential, and I can see that you have taken a lot of effort into writing it. It is a good book. I hope you have a nice day.

Best Wishes!!