Rosete | REVIEW SHOP [CLOSED]

《Maria》The Conjurer's Charm

Reviewer: marshaa1306
Written by: Heuristic_Hashmath

Title/Cover - 10/10
The title of your book sounds perfect. It’s almost like it’s a title from the 39 clues series (if you’ve ever heard of it).
The cover looks awesome. It’s sleek and modern, giving a fantastical, out-of-this-world vibe. It’s also easily read, which adds to the overall impression.

Blurb - 9/10
Alright, so I like your blurb, but it is a whooooole lot of information. It honestly kind of made my brain hurt when I read it. So, it might be a good idea to take out some information that you think is unnecessary to preserve the overall readability. Other than that, nice introduction and decent hook at the end of the blurb.

First few chapters/Exposition - 10/10
So, this has nothing to do with the actual story, but I watched your teaser/trailer and I thought it was a neat idea to include that.
You do a wonderful job of introducing the characters and the setting. Right away, I knew that Alwold was the oddball out and he didn’t fit in for some significant reason. The world that Alwold was living in was also described well and I think you did a good job of showing things instead of just saying them flat out all the time. I also like how the world is futuristic but you’ve incorporated aspects of our modern day world as well. Again, nice work!

Plot - 20/20
To say that this plot is good is an understatement, because I think it was absolutely phenomenal. Things wove together so perfectly with seamless transitions and an elaborate backstory. I honestly have nothing more to say here, besides telling you you’ve done a spectacular job!

Pace - 10/10
I quite like how this story dives into the action quickly. Instead of having to read a few chapters before things get interesting, the mind examiners are introduced in the first chapter. So, there isn’t much time to decide your book is boring.
Also, I like how you include something exciting in every chapter. Even if it is just a paragraph or two of some sort of action, it really kept me on my toes while I read.

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 9/10
I’ve noticed your writing includes a lot of long, wordy sentences. This isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it can be tough to read multiple of these sentences in a row. Perhaps consider breaking some of the sentences up and varying the sentence lengths to improve your writing as a whole.
There are some repeated instances where your writing doesn’t quite agree. In these instances, your writing’s flow falters. For example:

What you wrote: Several heads turned behind at Alwold whom he acted as if he hadn’t noticed them.
What might be better: Several heads turned to look at Alwold, who acted as if he didn’t notice them.

A tip here might be to read your writing aloud before publishing it. It can alert you to things like this quite easily.

Characters - 15/15
Alwold: I feel like Alwold is definitely someone people could easily relate to. He has no parents, he doesn’t really know where he belongs in the world, and he’s struggling to find something to take his mind off of everything going on in his life. So, to have him as a main character is reassuring. I also feel like Alwold is totally not your stereotypical protagonist. His character gives a fresh new look on the world.

Hale: Even though Hale is Alwold’s sister, she is totally the opposite of him with a fiery temper and a more outgoing demeanor. I like that she sticks up for Alwold no matter what, but I think she resents having to take care of her brother sometimes. It’s such an understandable thing to feel, and I actually relate to Hale on a pretty personal level. Because she’s his sister, she knows she should always have her brother’s back, but it gets tiresome. I hope she keeps telling him to look out for himself.

Garron: This man has gone through so much and I feel kind of bad for him. He’s had to lose Alwold and Hale’s parents, sacrifice his time and money to take care of them, and put up with them when he could be doing whatever old people do for fun. You can really tell that he’s trying his best to raise the two kids the best he can, but the kids aren’t making it the easiest. I’m really rooting for him, though, because he’s the only one who is keeping the family together.

Overall Enjoyment - 15/15
Honestly, I don’t think I would have read this book if it had not been for a review. But, now having read some of your story, I think that would have been a massive mistake on my part. This story is a real work of art. I was on the edge of my seat, I felt like I was actually there in the story, and I could easily relate to the characters. Overall, spectacular job! You can count on it that I will continue reading this one in the future.

Total Score: 98/100