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《Sam》Woman and Flame

Reviewer: samantha-writes

Woman and Flame: The Prodigal Sons by jcbbrsmith

Cover: 4/5
— I like the way the cover looks. As a whole, it's well-made and lovely. I know you made it yourself, and I gotta say, good job!
— I will note that some of the text, mainly the author's name and subtitle, are a little hard to read against the background. It's not too difficult, and it's definitely doable, but at first glance, it's not too easy to decipher.
— The red and black add a hint of mystery and action, although I wish there was fire on the cover. There are roses, and yeah, that adds to the color theme, but fire would add to the title.

Title: 5/5
— I love the way the title sounds. It gives of feminine and mature vibes all at once. It certainly appeals to an older audience, which is your target audience, so you chose a wonderful title!
— I can certainly see how the title and subtitle fit, and I love the way they work together!

Blurb: 10/10
— The blurb really gives a good sense of the characters. We learn about Townsend's character, with her temper, and we learn about the 3 men (probably love interests lol) and their goals.
— Townsend's backstory is mentioned too, and I really like how it's subtly hinted at.
— The main conflict is shown well. It's very clearly a mystery, a generic trying-to-find-out-about-my-past story, if you will lol. I'm saying the blurb makes it seem cliché, and maybe it is a little cliché—nothing wrong with that—but that means there needs to be a lot of creativity with the plot and characters to make readers dive into it. But I think the characters in the blurb make the story seem less cliché, so that's good. (Again, I'm not saying the story is cliché, but the mysterious-past type of plot is common, so as long as the readers see that the story has a lot more to offer, that's fine.)

World: 9/10
— I really like how the world is established. Obviously, it's realistic fiction, so the world isn't abstract, but the community and environment the main character lives in is important to note in that case. And you've done an amazing job of showing that. I will say, there may have been slightly too many unnecessary details at times, but I don't think it was a huge problem.

Plot: 14/20
— The very beginning of the exposition felt dragged. The characters were being introduced well, but nothing particularly interesting was happening that drew me in. That was until the end of Chapter 2, of course, but before that, I was admittedly bored.
— Once Townsend got the letter, I was interested. I definitely think the story picked up well from there. After that, the action kicked up, and the plot seemed to be moving along. Just fix the exposition before that, and it should be good!

Characters: 10/10
— The characters are described just so... flawlessly. Like, Townsend is very easy to picture, and her traits and passions, such as music, are made so clear. I love it! The other characters are so distinct, which is one of my favorite attributes of stories, so I love the way you're showing them, amazing job! I have no flaws with them, they're all perfect!

Chapters & Content: 6/10
— As soon as I read the first paragraph, I wondered what the comments would say, and I was pleasantly surprised by @Bio_Organic_Weapon's comment, and your response was wonderful! I completely agreed with their feedback. Dialogue can be tricky to start off with. It's usually best not to begin with it, although it's not the worst way to start either. Some publishers are fine with it, others aren't. It's really just risky to use. The best kinds of openings are those that narrate actions that are occurring and tie them in with introducing the main character. But make sure the action subtly introduces the character's traits, don't outright state what the character is like. (Though I doubt you would, you seem to be much more of a capable writer than to do that.)
— The prologue is amazing! It introduces some characters, has suspense and action, and gives some backstory. And it's the appropriate length for a prologue too. It really drew me in, honestly!
— During the first few chapters of the story, the writing seems to throw in a lot of information, and I understand why. Since it's the beginning of the story, you need to properly introduce readers to your characters, the world, the plot, the setting, etc. But adding these details that are seemingly unnecessary just makes it feel forced. For example, in the prologue, you mentioned that Rebecca had been carrying her baby for 7 months, and while you mentioned it subtly, the way it was brought up seemed slightly out of place. It isn't a big problem though. Just keep in mind that the writing at the beginning of the story should be very similar to the rest of it, just with a bit more explanation and introduction. It's okay for readers to be a little confused what's going on at first, as long as they are drawn in by it and aren't left that way.
— Overall, the pacing seems slow. I don't think it's actually very slow, I think just the unnecessary details being thrown in are making it feel that way. Really—aside from the first 2 chapters—the story isn't going by slow, more like a normal pace. But those unimportant details, the brand of Townsend's alarm clock, her car and how long she's had it for, her daily outfits (although the audience is probably mostly women and this would appeal to them SOMETIMES), they're just dragging the story down. Think of it this way: if the readers will never use that information later in the story or to significantly build on what they know about a character, leave it out.
— The chapter lengths are, what, about 2,500 words per chapter? That's what it seems like to me, at least. That's a good length, although I actually think they could be longer. That's up to you, though.