Seductive Vibrations Book One To Four

Chapter Ten

The ringing of the alarm waking me, I could just fall back to sleep, I really could, I still feele exhausted, but today is going to be a good day, why wouldn't it be, after all Liam now knows and that is sorted, kind of. Hopefully I get to see Jackson, I am looking forward to that. Opening my bedroom door to leave, Liam's voice came through, peeking out I can see him on the phone, staying quiet I try to listen to what he is saying. This feels wrong on so many levels, but I can't not listen, especially if he is talking about what ever last night's conversation was about.

"Listen, Jack, you will have to tell her at some point, it's not a secret you can keep from someone you're planning on spending a lot of time with, has she not even questioned the tattoos yet, I won't let you bullshit her and not tell her the truth" There was a pause while this Jack was replying, who is he talking to?

"Whatever Jackson, she needs to know about Katie, and Tallulah, I never mentioned Katie why would I it was before I met her, if you don't I will tell her myself" He removed the phone from his ear, ending the call.

Jack is Jackson, shutting the door quietly, walking and sitting on the bed, I feel awful, who the hell is Tallulah and Katie, is this what today is about the place they are going. Jackson mentioned Katie at the hospital before.

Every thought possible in my mind, he's married, he has a girlfriend, something doesn't feel right, and to be honest, now I want to walk, to Liam whatever it is, it is important I know. That alone makes me wonder what he is hiding and why, I need to know, but I can't ask Liam he will know I was listening, grabbing my things I head out of my room, Liam nowhere in sight, I am grateful for that, leaving quickly I walk to university.

I know now that today isn't going to be that great, something tells me it is just going to get worse, the only thoughts in my mind is Jackson and who these two names relate to. I shouldn't care, we have only just met, but the last thing I want is getting closer to him if he is married, or has a girlfriend already, something isn't right.

Trying to concentrate on classes is unavailing all that is in my mind is Jackson, I need a drink, something to help process the thoughts and slow them down, I need to find a way to think clearly and resolve this, walking out I get to the bar, sitting there for a while drinking alone, I am not in the mood to be around people.

Actually, when am I ever in the right mood to be around people? Students are looking at me strange, I never come alone, actually I hardly ever come at all and usually I am with Georgina. The thoughts still lingering in my mind, each one battling for the stand, the whole thing making me feel worse. My mobile ringing looking down, now realising the time it was 8:15pm I have been sitting in here for hours.

I should answer, but I want to be alone with my thoughts right now, I have cancelled so many calls from Georgina sat here.

"Hello?" I answer trying to sound normal and failing.

"Where the hell are you? Georgina said you should have been home over four hours ago, what's going on?" Wow, Jackson voice full of worry, what the hell is he ringing me for, and what has it to do with him where I am and if I am not home when I was meant to.

"I'm at the student bar, I didn't know I'd have to constantly update you on where I am, if this is the sort of guy you are, sorry, but no I won't do it, been there before and I have no plans to go back" Max flashes in my mind, hanging up the phone, my hand shaking, Jackson does not seem like Max at all, yet something about him and his secrets have me on edge, a lot.

Flashbacks from Max on my mind, a pass I want to run from, yet it always catches back up to me and drags me down. I was too harsh to Jackson, he asked a simple question, he didn't shout, he wasn't angry more worried, gabbing another drink, I sit down, the thoughts in my mind worse than before, I guess I will need to go home soon and face everyone.

"You really have an attitude sometimes, don't you?" Jumping at the sound of Jacksons voice from behind me, I feel sick, he walked around, sitting opposite me, his eyes just looking at me, trying to assess me, waiting I want to see if he is going to tell me about the two women, but I don't think he will be.

"Look, sorry for ringing and sounding like I am stalking you, you weren't home I was fine waiting. Georgina said you always go straight home, then she was rambling on about hoping you had not been found by someone and she should call you, then it kept cutting out" He is looking at me, like he wants me to explain. Why would Georgina say that? Does she not realise it is my past, and only mine to tell?

"Yes, okay, I was out of order demanding to know where you were, I am sorry something just makes me want to protect you, I don't know why and when she mentioned being tracked down I panicked, what did she mean?" He stayed looking at me, maybe I should tell him, but if I am, I want to know about Katie and Tallulah first.

"I don't know, maybe you could tell me who Katie and Tallulah are?" The thoughts are coming back, my body getting ready to get up and walk away, his face changed, he looked hurt, his face full of sadness, what the hell is going on?

"What has Liam told you? He can't keep his mouth shut, I told him there was no need for you to know" Something tells me that I am wrong about it, but at the same time my mind is telling me I am a fool for thinking he isn't seeing anyone else.

"Liam has not said anything, not to me anyway. He needs to learn to take private calls somewhere no one can hear him, if you seem to think there is no need for me to know about these two names, then I guess you don't need to know what Georgina was talking about either" he can't ask me to tell him something, but then not tell me what is going on with his side, this whole thing is messed up, if it is like this now how bad will it be in a few months?

"Fine, I'll tell you, but then I want to know what Georgina was talking about, okay? He looked at me waiting, I nod in agreement.

"Look, if we want this to work, then maybe it's a good thing being open with each other this early on. We both have pasts that are pushing forward and trying to push us apart, if we are honest, we can decide then if we stay or walk, at least then in two or three months we can't say well we didn't know the truth because we will" He sounds genuine, nodding in agreement.

"Okay, go ahead, you start" I brace myself for the hurt to follow, the hurt my mind has been telling me will happen all day, girlfriends, wife? What else could it be?

"Okay, so Tallulah is my daughter, Katie, is our little sister, the reason I have not mentioned them, and Liam obviously never has mentioned them is because they both died" Oh shit, I feel like a bitch, a total bitch, my blood running cold at the thought.

"My ex, Caroline and I had a beautiful girl, she was born on Katies birthday, however, she was born early and didn't take her first breath. Caroline didn't cope well, one night she and Katie were out in the car, she drove straight into a wall, Katie died instantly, no one has seen Caroline since" 

He looks hurt, I want to comfort him, and I now get why he flipped at Liam, Christ I would have if I knew, why say he has been in a car accident knowing his sister died in one?

"I am sorry" His hand lifted, his finger on my mouth to keep me from talking.

"We visited the graves today, it is their birthday. So, there you go. You can see now why I didn't want you to know just yet, it is not the sort of thing you tell someone straight away"

"I am so, so sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you into telling me, it was just the way Liam had said things on the phone made it sound wrong. Is that tattoo for Tallulah?" I had to ask, the footprint in my mind.

"The tattoo is of Tallulah's foot print, wrapped in a blanket, the blanket that was Katie's since she was a baby, she gave it to Tallulah, she was buried wrapped in it" Fighting back tears I nod, why am I such an idiot sometimes?

"So, go on it's your turn, and you can't say it doesn't matter" He looks at me, waiting how do you talk about something you never speak of, something you try to hide from and never want to think about. 

I can feel my whole body turning cold, starting to shiver, I don't even know if I can, I look up at him, sitting there waiting, where do I start I can't even find the words. The feel of a tear running down my cheek, my frustration building, he stays sat quiet waiting, clearly able to see that I was fighting a battle in my own mind.