Seductive Vibrations Book One To Four

Book Three Chapter Twenty-Three

"Alena" 

I jumped, almost falling off the stool, Jackson stood in front of me looking at the empty bottle of vodka sat in front of me, have I really drunk that much? 

"Just get your ass to bed, seriously fuck off" His words threw me, what had I done? Marcus stood at the door, he shook his head, I didn't argue I stumbled off to bed, laid there wondering what I had done wrong? What had Marcus exactly told him? I fell onto the bed, without a chance to think about it more as my eyes closed again.

I woke up, the light too bright, my head kills, I have not even opened my eyes and I feel like I am spinning, I drank way too much last night. 

Sitting up, I feel sick, I don't want to be sick. I looked around me Jackson sat on the chair in the corner staring at me.

"I thought you realised the rule Alena? Why would you do that, do you really not care about our relationship?" His words confused me, all this because of how much I drank? 

"I didn't realise how much I was drinking, I was sat waiting for you, worried about you, this is partly your fault as well for ignoring the god damn phone" I was shouting, it wasn't the best idea, it made me feel even sicker, trying to take deep breaths to calm down, hoping the sick feeling would leave me.

"I don't give a shit about you drinking right now, I mean you and Marcus. You were really going to cheat on me? If you want to go down the route of sleeping with other men fine, but don't think I will still be here" 

What the hell had Marcus said? Why would he even say this? Realisation hit me, I had lied to Jackson, Marcus knew I didn't want him to know about Jake so what else could he have said happened? As much as I didn't want him to know, I couldn't let him think that and I certainly didn't want him and Marcus to fall out over me and a lie.

"Marcus is lying, nothing happened with me and him nothing even started" I shook my head, would Marcus really lie like this for me why? It makes no sense, why would he risk losing Jackson just, so he could keep that one thing hidden from Jackson for me?

"Alena there is no point lying, Marcus has told me" He looked disappointed in me, like I was lying but I wasn't.

"Nothing happened, well not with Marcus, I was in the room with Jake" I watched as he got angry clearly assuming I had done something with Jake now.

"Marcus came in, he pulled Jake off me, I lied to you because I didn't want to spoil the night, Marcus obviously then lied about what happened because I didn't want you to know" 

He still looked angry, still sat on the chair staring at me, why couldn't Marcus just have said something else? Looking at it now though, what could he have said? He found me sat on the floor? Yeah because Jackson would really believe that.

"So, you was caught in bed with Jake, that just makes it worse" he stood up and started to walk out, I got up following. "No, he tried it on I said no, he didn't take no for an answer, Marcus walked in while I was screaming fighting him off and pulled him off me, I fell onto the floor and Jake ran off" 

My voice was loud, I was screaming, I was angry, no I was pissed off. 

"Say's a lot Jackson if you think I would fuck Marcus or Jake like that, clearly you don't trust me" He started turning, I slammed the door running to the bathroom, as the bile began to rise, and I started being sick.

I knew shouting was not a good idea, I just knew shouting would make me feel worse and well it does, because now I am physically being sick. 

I heard him open the door and walk back in, I was too busy throwing up the entire contents of my stomach. Finally finishing I brushed my teeth and walked back through, unable to look at him, how could he be so quick to think I would do that? 

To actually believe Marcus, would he believe Marcus over me so easily? Could he really turn around any time he wanted and lie and say we slept together and Jackson just believe him?

I grabbed my clothes, as I began to get dressed, sitting on the bed, he walked over to me. He fell to his knees in front of me, his hand lifting my head up to look at him. 

"I wouldn't have thought that if it wasn't for Marcus, I trust him and believed he had said the truth, I would never think you would do something without someone I trust telling me, why didn't you just tell me, why lie?" 

I want to leave, I don't think I want to argue anymore I don't have much fight left in me, why was the universe so set to destroy me? 

"I didn't want last night to get ruined, it clearly did. Marcus was being nice, he clearly would rather have you hate him, then tell you the truth that I didn't want you to know, he isn't to blame. I knew if I said what had happened you would have gone looking for Jake, I didn't want that, but it turned out the night was ruined anyway"

"Of course I would, I am surprised Marcus let him leave with his legs intact, why the hell would you want to hide something like that from me? Don't say because you didn't want the night to be ruined because that is bullshit and you know it" 

His voice so delicate, he wasn't fooled, maybe I could fool myself, fool Marcus into believing that is why but he isn't fooled not at all. Sometimes, like now I hated how easily he could read me, how easily he could see I was lying.

"You don't look at me the same, you don't touch me like before. Everything with Max, I am not stupid, you are still holding back you're not like before and this, well, let's be honest would make you even more careful around me, and I don't want that, I don't want you looking at me like I am going to fucking break, because I won't!"

I was screaming at him, finally admitting the truth, things had not been the same since Max, he had tried, and I could see he was but no matter what happened he stopped himself, the only time he hadn't was when he thought Marcus was gone, every other time he restrained himself, trying to protect me.

"Are you honestly surprised that I would? The state you were in last night now makes sense, you drank a full bottle Alena, you passed out at the bar, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself you are affected by everything, you're just hiding it. I don't want to do something, and it break you, really break you and you not come back"

 He was right, I was a mess last night, at the time I thought it was all because of Jackson not answering, the worry for him. 

Now, I realised the back thoughts, the things driving me to drink so much, I had not dealt with anything emotionally, I just moved on, forgetting it, or at least trying to forget it. I feel so frustrated, so angry, so sad, annoyed, I hated him, I hated Max, I hated everyone right now, because it always seems to happen to me! 

I felt the tear, I didn't want to cry, this is why I hid it all, I didn't want it to change things, I certainly didn't want to look weak, the thought that Jackson would slow down, would not be as rough with me, hurts more then anything, the thought that he see's me as breakable and doesn't want to hurt me, just makes me feel worse. 

He didn't say anything, he just stayed kneeling at my feet, waiting for me, but I had nothing to say, nothing I could say to him. There was no way I could talk about what happened in front of him, I had not spoken to anyone about it.

"I'll tell you what, you see someone, talk to someone be open and honest with them about how you feel what is really going through your mind, I won't hold back anymore" I laughed, no idea why but I did and the words the left my mouth after, I couldn't control. 

"Can it start now?" I looked at him as the words came out, laughing. He looked at me shocked and shook his head. 

"See, that right there, is a fucked-up response, not happening get some sleep you look like death, sleep off the booze you drank" He pushed me onto the bed, his lips kissing mine. 

"I will work, you sleep" He walked out the room. I moved, getting under the blanket, everything I had hidden resurfaced, I began crying, I felt like screaming. Everything coming flooding back, my barriers down, I couldn't do this no way I could live a life and move on. I closed my ears, tears still running, as I fell asleep, with sobs escaping my mouth.