Seductive Vibrations Book One To Four

Book Three Chapter Four

2 GOODBYE DIGNITY

I cried, for hours, I hated him, hated myself, why did I let him do that, why didn't I stop him earlier. Why was I so foolish? 

I told him he could do anything to me and I wouldn't walk away. I was wrong, I was not sure if I even wanted to look at him again, the pain, humiliation was there, just like it was with Max, different circumstances, and this was my fault, my fault for not saying stop, my fault for trying to make him snap back and not thinking of myself. 

I looked at the clock, it was 5am, I didn't move, I laid there, watching the clock 6am, 9am, 10am. 

"I am sorry Alena, please open the door" 

Jackson called through, his fists banging on it, I covered my ears with the pillow. Continuing watching the clock, I just stared at it, watching the time pass, it was 11:45 pm, there was a knock at the door, I covered my ears, my whole body shaking, pain and humiliation visible on the surface. 

"Alena, its Georgina please open the door" I ignored her, I didn't want anyone to see me like this, I could hear the three of them talking at the other side of the door, I didn't care. 

I was exhausted, hurt, and foolish, my pride gone, I felt like every bit of my dignity had being stripped away from me. 

My eyes, finally closed, I was relieved to have the escape of sleep. I woke up to a bang it was 11:23 am.

"I will break the fucking door down, I don't care, we don't even know if she's alive" I heard Liam's voice, as another bang rang through the room. 

They couldn't get in, I put the bolt on at this side, I was safe, I needed to feel safe, so while he might know the codes to get in I had it bolted for extra safety.

"Move" I heard Jackson next, I laid there, not caring, as the door banged, and again, the third time the door flung open. 

Georgina and Liam running to my side, I pulled my legs up, trying to hide my body so they couldn't see how degraded I felt.

"What did you do to her?" 

Georgina's voice accusing him, as she wrapped her hand around me and guided me to the other room. Jackson following behind with Liam, 

"Don't even try it Jackson, fuck off right now" 

Georgina was pissed, I just leant on her walking. We got into my room, she closed the door locking it, sitting me on the bed and turning the bath on. 

I laid down, hugging myself, not talking, everything replaying in my mind, that picture, I hope he destroyed it if anyone saw that I wouldn't cope. 

Georgina walked back in, not saying anything just pulling me off the bed and helping me in the bath. She sat for a while watching me.

"What happened Alena? Last time you were like this was after Max, there are no marks so what happened?" 

I looked at her, shaking my head, I couldn't tell her even if I wanted to, I had told Jackson I wouldn't discuss those things with anyone. 

She got up, and started walking out. "I am off to grab you a drink and food, I will be right back" I could see the pain in her eyes, pain from seeing me like this again.

A few minutes later Jackson walked in, I didn't need to look to know, I just knew it was him. He sank down beside the bath, his head lowering 

"I am sorry Alena, I am sorry I did all that to you" His voice broken, I didn't care, I couldn't move, couldn't talk, it was like I switched places with him, he seemed to have snapped out of it, and in the process, he pushed me into it. 

His hand went to grab mine, I moved it away, tears falling uncontrollably, I hated him, but at the same time, I loved him. 

My mind was like a battlefield, all my emotions fighting, battling crying out to win, each one saying their case, each one reminding me of something that I loved or hated, my mind was eating me alive, with memories I wanted to forget. 

I hated him, but I hated myself more for not stopping it sooner, I wouldn't be able to look at him or myself the same ever again.

"Please, please Alena, talk to me, shout at me anything" I lifted my head, turning it to him, so he could see my face, soaked from salty tears, I have been crying for over 24 hours. His face fell, he looked hurt, he looked pained, shocked, he stood up and moved back.

"I knew I would lose you" His words broke, cracked like he couldn't talk. He stood there staring at me like he knew he had lost me, I didn't care, right now I didn't care about how he felt, the only reason I am not moving and walking out is the girls otherwise, I think I would have ran, and ran for miles last night.

"I will leave you, when your ready please talk to me, I will wait no matter how long it takes, if you need to talk to someone then tell Georgina, I don't care no more" 

He turned and walked out, as Georgina walked in, staring at him like she hated him. I stood up, wrapping the towel around me, I sat on the bed, in a daze, not really caring anymore, like I had nothing left, is that how Jackson felt in the moment seeing Marcus?