Seductive Vibrations Book One To Four

Book Four Chapter Twenty-Nine

W

aking up, I am in our bed, my dress for the funeral hanging on the door, a reminder today is the last chance to say goodbye, I don't want too but I have no choice in the matter. 

The past week has been hard, I have been in a trance almost zombie like state, everything going around me, me sitting and watching wanting to do something but unable to. I don't want to get out of bed, that means facing today, saying goodbye and letting him go.

 Jackson has been amazing, I have seen a whole new side of BDSM since Marcus has passed. He is helping me get through this in as many ways as he can, he has hardly touched me, he has cuddled me but nothing more. 

He is giving me space to grieve while been there with me, how he manages it I don't know. He has tried telling me about the trial, but I just can't deal with that right now, everything that has happened seems to have me shut down, I don't talk. 

My days are usually spent in silence watching everyone else around me, sitting with the girls watching them and my stomach grow. I know I will get passed this, but right now, I seem stuck, and Jackson is trying his best to keep me grounded even if it means I stay quiet.

 Getting out of bed, I get ready for the funeral, it still doesn't seem real, I watched him die, yet I still can't believe he is gone. Part of me is waiting for that call from the hospital to say he is going to be okay, that call that never comes and never will.

 I have to stand there today and tell them how amazing Marcus was, how he made everyone's life so much better and lost his trying to save me. I have to use today as a way of saying goodbye and trying to move on, but I don't feel like it will work. 

Walking downstairs, everyone is here, the whole team, Marcus's other friends, and a few women, I don't know who they are, yet I feel I want to know. Walking to Jacksons side, he wraps his arm around me.

"We should walk around and say hi, I will introduce you to people he knew that you have not met" Nodding I agree, I should know who these people are.

"How will you introduce me? What will you introduce me as in regard to Marcus and exactly how much do the team know?" Jackson turns looking at me surprised, whether that is at my questions or the fact that is the most I have spoken in days I don't even know.

"Well, I will introduce you as my wife, and the closet person to Marcus before he passed. The team know everything, I had to tell them about it all explaining why you are this broken by him dying would not work by lying Alena" 

The closet person to Marcus, he used to be the closet person to Marcus, had that changed? We start walking around the room, Jackson introducing me to a few of Marcus's friends from over the year, walking to a woman, I feel nervous, she is beautiful.

"Hi Sasha, Alena this is Sasha, she was one of Marcus's longest Brats" Smiling I nod, does she feel like I do? I thought I loved Marcus as a dominant, was I wrong, did I in fact love him more than that? After finishing introducing me to everyone, I learned the few women here were all Marcus's submissives or brats at one point.

"You know what I hate" I turn to face Jackson, his eyes looking into mine with wonder.

"The fact these women, are here for Marcus yet his wife for over ten years, can't even show her face" 

How wrong is that? Did these women care about Marcus more than his wife, it would appear so? 

"Well, maybe that is a good thing Alena, a funeral should only have people there who still love and care for the person, not people from the past who don't care" Maybe he is right, but I don't understand how she can just not care at all.