365 {cake/discontinued}

117 {breathe you in}

THE ALBUM IS A MASTERPIECE I

my favorite FAVORITE is Outer Space/Carry On I am IN LOVE WITH IT
-----
You sent me a demo track that may or may not end up on the next album today.

I've missed hearing your voice, but I can't stand the recurring memory I have when I listen to it.

"It's foggy out today," I say, standing in your hotel room and gazing out at the grey, dreary skies of London.

You stand up from the warm bed of white sheets, and come over to join me.

"It's so thick," You comment, wrapping your arms around my waist.

"Like your di-"

"Calum," Michael says, entering the hotel room. "These your cigarettes?"

I turn my head to look at you. You stopped smoking when I told you to months ago. Or did you...? I feel myself getting angry now; suddenly the room is very warm.

"Uh, no. I stopped Mikey, remember?"

"I saw you smoking one last month...but oh well, guess you had some sort of huge intervention then?" He chuckles. "Sorry for the interruption then."

"Y-you broke your promise?" I ask, hands shaking with anger. I remove myself from your grip on my waist.

"Luke, I didn-"

"You did! Stop lying to me! I don't want to hear anymore of your goddamned lies," I shout, eyes blurring.

"Did...did I say something wrong? I'm sor-"

"No Michael," I say to your bandmate. "You said everything right. At least I know he's unfaithful before he leaves me for tour." I give him a sad smile that probably turned out to be a grimace.

"Luke, wai-" I exit the room before I can hear anymore lies.

When I get outside of the hotel, I just sit on the cold, wet pavement, and cry. Cry, cry, cry.

It's as if I have embodied the rain, tears keep spilling onto my cheeks. How could you lie to me about this?

I've been trying to get you to quit for several months, and I thought I'd gotten through to you. But I was wrong.

You lied to me. When we went out for dinner to celebrate you quitting, when we ate that slice of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake, when we went to bed together but didn't get sleep at all...you were lying.

This means you can break promises to me on tour too. You can lie about loving me. Have you been lying this whole time too?

This makes me cry harder. I just stare up at the grey clouds, sobbing and whimpering like someone who's weak. Maybe you lied because you knew I'm too weak to handle anything.

Who wouldn't? I've never been strong. You're probably so sick of my dramatic behavior that you lied in spite of me.

"Luke." I hear relief in that low voice of yours. I pretend I don't hear you. Just like you've been pretending all these months.

"Lukey, I'm sorry. Please look at me, please," You say desperately.

"Why didn't you just tell me? Why'd you let me believe that you weren't going out and getting lung cancer? Why not just say 'hey Luke, I'm smoking again because I can't stand you, and that's why I'm trying to die faste-'"

"Where'd you get that idea?" You ask, wiping away my tears with your thumbs. "I love you, I'd never lie about that."

"But you could. You're clearly capable of it."

"Luke, listen to me. I'm so fucking sorry about smoking again and not telling you. But I only did it again once after being smoke free for all those months. Just once."

"One time can change a lot, Calum."

"I know. Fuck, I know, Luke. I ruined everything. But I quit, I did it. I'm not smoking anymore."

"How do I know you're not lying when you say that you love me? How will I know you're not lying a million miles away from me?"

"I can't make you believe me, or trust me again, I know. But I truly, really do love you Luke. You're the only person I've ever loved."

"I just don't want to be hurt, Cal. I don't want to be foolish enough to believe you and then see that you're with some girl."

"Goddammit Luke, I want to be with you, only you. I'd do anything for you. I want to be your everything. I want you to trust me, love me always. I'm the biggest fuck up in the world, but I can't fuck us up. I need you so bad, so fucking bad."

I take your hand in mine, and squeeze it softly. "You sound sweet when you lie to me."

"I'm not lying! Fuck, I love you more than anything, anyone. Please believe me Luke, I'll never survive without you, you're the love of my life, I-"

I kiss you, short and sweet. "Can you keep your promise this time?"

"I swear to god Luke, I will never smoke again. I will never love anyone like I love you, I know that. It will always be you. I hope you can believe that despite any nasty rumors."

"I'll try, but I'm pretty foolish," I chuckle.

You shake your head. "You're pretty, yes. But you've never been foolish."

We kiss for so long, I think our hands left prints in the pavement.

So now you know why it's a little difficult for me to trust you on tour.

I want to, but it's hard. Doubts overcome my thoughts.

But I'll try to stay optimistic. I'll remember all the reasons why I love you. Do whatever I can to stay strong.

I won't let our love fade like smoke, turn to vapor. Because you need me, and I need you.
-----
dun dun dun

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 30 K READS HOLY SHIT THAT'S TOO MANY PEOPLE FOR LIL OL ME TO EVEN IMAGINE I LOVE YOU ALL I HOPE MY WORDS ARE WORTHY ENOUGH FOR YOUR LITTLE EYEBALLS/HEADS/HEARTS...?

NOTHING LIKE THE RAIN WHEN YOU'RE IN OUTER SPACE