365 {cake/discontinued}

125 {impossible year}

impossible year really reflects my mood rn and I feel like 365!Luke would connect to it so here's this
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Day 125 of you being gone.

That makes it sound like you've gone missing. And even if you did, I wouldn't know.

We haven't talked in a while, Cal.

In fact, the last thing we talked about was the new Panic! album.

"So have you heard Death of a Bachelor yet?"

"Oh yeah!" I exclaim, taking a bite of the macaroni and cheese I bought for dinner. By myself. As usual. "It's so good, I'm in love with it."

"I thought you were in love with me," You whine over the phone.

"I am, I am," I say. "But Brendon Urie though..."

"Anyways," You continue. I can almost hear your eye roll. "I was just listening to 'Impossible Year', and fuck, did I cry."

"I'm pretty sure everyone cried at that song. Why are you telling me this anyway?"

"It just...well, never mind."

"Calum, do not make me reveal our relationship to the world so management comes after you."

"Jesus, alright Hemmings! The song reminded me of this year, and well, the long distance thing we have right now. Not that it's not working or anything, but it's just a lot of pain."

I go quiet for a moment, thinking about Calum's words. "Yeah, that's very...um, very true."

"Are you alright, babe?"

"Sorry, I'm just really, really thinking about how much this all sucks. And I know I say shit like that all the time, but...it always hurts my heart so bad."

"I know, baby, I know-shit," You chuckle sadly into the phone.

"What?"

"My hand just twitched because I wanted to hold your hand so badly when I said that. I want to be with you again so badly, Luke."

"Me too. Every time it just feels like a huge weight is on my heart, and I'm just so numb inside, Cal. I miss you. I'm so tired of missing you."

"So am I. I have to go now, Lukey. I'm so sorry, can I call you back tonight?"

I frown. "I have papers that need to be graded, I'm all backed up on workload."

"Oh," You murmur. "Well, 'til next time, then. I love you Luke."

"Bye Cal, love you too."

And that was it. Haven't heard anything since, except a few quick text messages.

But it's always the same. Hey, hey. How are you? Good, you? Fine.

There's either nothing to say or everything. Unless you're really busy, and there truly is nothing. Just static silence.

Every time we talk I just think about why it has to be like this. And I hurt all over because of it.

I just don't want to feel broken anymore.
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SUMMER SIXTEEN YE

okay I'm too tired to say anything else bye yall