365 {cake/discontinued}

122 {all I want for Christmas}

okay thIS TIME I HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR NOT UPDATING ANYTHING BC MIDTERMS WAS LAST WEEK

I made all A's except for one high B :-)))(but for the semester I made all A's wOO)

MERRY CHRISTMAS THOOOO I HOPE YALL GET BOMB ASS GIFTS unless you don't celebrate I still hope u have a good day
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I've sent you your Christmas gift weeks in advance so you'll get it at the hotel you're staying at on Christmas Eve.

I got you one of those Hotline Bling Christmas jumpers and a pretty promise ring with a dark blue jewel on it.

So you can wear those on tour. So I know you're keeping your promise.

I'm still awaiting my present, which you said should be coming in today.

It feels really weird not having you around to tease me with hints on what my gift is.

"Did you get me that cute puppy that oddly looks like a mixture of us?" I ask, thinking about the brown puppy we saw yesterday with spots of blonde on it.

"No, I didn't get you the Cake love puppy. Get it? Instead of love child-"

"I got it," I say, exasperated. "Did you get me one of those hoverboard things? If you did you're dead, Hood, I swe-"

You laugh. "I'm not dumb enough to get you one of those! You'd fall just by stepping on it."

I huff. "Alright, true."

"I'm not telling you what I got you, because it's a surprise, baby."

"A surprise baby?" I ask, jokingly.

You roll your eyes. "Fuck off. It's almost Christmas, just be patient."

You kiss my forehead before sliding out of bed to take out the Christmas cookies from the oven.

You ended up getting us matching sweatshirts, mine saying '1-800 Hoodline Bling' and yours saying '1-800 HotLuke Bling' because you're a major dork/Drake fan.

On the more sentimental side, you gave me a book of sketches. They were mostly of me, sometimes featuring yourself as well. You're so fucking sweet and talented, sometimes I feel like I can't compet-

The mail man is here. My gift is here.

The package he gives me is a medium size, so you didn't get me a puppy after all.

Inside the box is a leather book and a little velvet box.

I open the box first. Inside is the very same promise ring I bought you, and I laugh.

I don't even realize that I'm crying as I slip the ring onto one of my fingers. I wish you were the one slipping it on instead. I wish you were here.

I open the book. I immediately recognize your tiny handwriting.

Dear Luke,

This is a journal documenting the general thought processes I have about you on a daily basis. Yes, I am THAT clingy boyfriend who thinks about his boy 24/7.

Love, Calum.

I smile as I read each page, and you managed to fill the whole journal, using both front and back of every page.

My favorite one goes like this:

Today at our meet and greet I met a blonde girl with brown eyes. She kind of looked like a mixture of you and I, Luke. Like our daughter or something, isn't that funny? She was extremely kind, just like you.

Tonight, at the concert, we brought my cousin on stage to play the bass. He's just a little tike, so obviously it wasn't the best, but it was adorable. I love kids.

I'm in the bunk now. We're heading to tomorrow's venue, and fuck, Luke, I can't stop thinking about how I felt today. Because I felt so...fatherly? I really want that. I want us to have kids together, Luke.
Fuck. I know I'm going to either mess everything up between us by saying that or make you love me even more by writing this. I don't know. I want to be a great dad to our kids, is all I know.

You'd make such a terrific father, Luke. I can't stop thinking about you with a little baby girl (or boy) in your arms, singing in your pretty soft voice to our child. You'd be gentle, and so cautious to make sure everything is perfect for them. And when you'd get too stressed I'd hold you, love you.

Do you want to have kids too, Luke? Do you feel the way I feel? Do you think this is forever? I hope so. I really hope so.

Love, Cal.

And every time I read it I feel so elated. You love me, even from miles away. You want to have kids with me.

You still want me. (I think. I mean, this was months ago. June was ages ago.)

But it's enough to give me a sliver of hope.
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yall already know Luke gon fuck up look at this boy doubting his man

MERRY CHRISTMAS! I DID MY BEST TO MAKE THIS CUTE N NOT DEPRESSING.

(also how cute would it be if Calum was recounting memories he has w Luke everyday while on tour like Luke is in this book aww)

((nO THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WILL WRITE A 365 CHAPTER SPINOFF OF ALL OF THESE MEMORIES FROM CALUM'S POV))