dempeo/merder oneshots

i can't move on

"Mer please open the door.. I'm worried about you" Maggie says. I open the door, holding the covers around my naked body. "Is he gone?" I ask. "Yeah he's gone" she says. I shut the door. I lock it. I run into the bathroom, bursting into tears.

I start hyperventilating, falling to the floor. I wash myself in the shower, scrubbing every inch of my body. I grab one of Derek's shirts and joggers, putting them on. "Meredith let me in" amelia says. I open the door.

She sees the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. "What happened? Did he hurt you? I'll fucking kill him" she says. "I- I- I can't.." I sob. She wraps her arms around me. We sit on my bed. "I slept with him" I cry.

"Mer" she pulls away. "I can't.. I can't do this.. I feel like I cheated on him.. I betrayed him" tears stream down my cheeks. "Meredith.. no you didn't" she says. "I did.. I- its been 3 months.. I can't believe I did that.. why did I do that?" I say.

"Because you want to move on" she says. "No i don't! I want derek" I say. Alex runs into the bedroom. "Where is he? Did he hurt you? I'll kill him!" He says. "He didn't hurt me!" I yell. "What's wrong?" He sits next to me.

"I feel sick" I put my hand on my throat as I try not to throw up. "Meredith" Alex says. "I need derek.. I can't do this.. I can't move on.. I dont want to move on.. I want him" I sob. Alex pulls me into his arms.

"Can you- I need the covers changed.. I need.. I need everything cleaned.. I can't- I'm.. I'm going for a drive.. please change the covers.. throw them ones away" I get up.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Alex asks. "I need to be by myself" I walk out. I go outside, get in my car and drive to the dream house.

I told everyone I sold this place so nobody will find me here. I walk inside and start crying instantly. I run into the bedroom.

"I'm sorry.. I'm really really sorry derek I can't- i don't-" I run into his arms. "Its okay.. its okay baby" he holds me tight. "I'm so sorry" I sob uncontrollably.

"I told you to meredith.. people need to think I'm really dead" he says. "But he- I- I don't want to move on from you.. please don't make me.. I can't.. other people touching me makes me so sick.. I dont want anyone else to do those things to me" I say.

"I'm not doing that again.. I can't.." I say. "Baby you need to move on" he says. "No! You're not actually dead! I'm not acting like you are! Let me stay here.. let me be with you please" I fall to my knees infront of him, Sobbing hard.

He kneels down, pulling me into his arms. "I had sex with someone else" I whisper. "I told you to" he whispers. "But I didn't want to!" I yell.

"Mer you chose the guy.. you went out with him.. you need to move on from me" he says. "But I don't want anyone else.. I need you" I say.

I pull away. I grab his face, kissing him passionately. He pulls away. "Meredith" he says. "Please.. please make love to me.. I need you again.. I dont want someone else to be the last person who's touched me" I say.

"Honey" he says. "Derek please.. just one thing.. I need one thing from you.. give it to me please" I say. "Mer-" he says.

"He didn't even make me cum derek.. do you want to leave me unsatisfied?.. I know how much you love giving me orgasms.. nobody else can do it like you do" I climb ontop of him, wrapping my legs around his waist.

He sighs. I look into his eyes. "Please derek I need to know that you're not angry with me" I whisper. "I'm not angry with you" he says. "Please" I push my face into his neck, sobbing into his skin.

"Okay.. okay Shh it's okay" he whispers. "Make love to me please.. I need you to" I say. "Meredith" he says. I get up off of him. I walk away crying. He stands up. "Meredith" he holds my hand. I turn around.

He pulls me close. I look into his eyes. "We can't get back together.. if I do this for you.. you have to understand that its a one time thing okay?" He says. "Okay" I whisper. "you know I want to be with you.. I just can't.. not when it puts you and the kids in danger" he says.

----

We're laying next to eachother in bed naked. I haven't said anything to him. I can't look at him. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. "Thankyou" I stand up, putting on my panties and bra. I put his shirt over me.

"Meredith" he says. "No.. really.. thankyou.. I just- I needed that.. I needed one last time with you and you gave me that so.." I say. "Mer come here" he holds my hand. He gently pulls me onto the bed.

I sob, moving straight into his arms. He holds me tight. "I'm sorry for putting you in so much pain.. that's the last thing I wanted to do" he says. "I can't survive without you" I say. He just let's me cry Into his chest.

I pull away slowly. "Do you still love me?" I whisper. He doesn't reply. "Oh.. I-" tears run down my cheeks. I pull away. He looks at me. "You don't.. you don't love me anymore?" I cry. He looks down.

I get up. "You told me to.. you told me to move on.. you told me to have sex with him.. I- you-" I break down. He sits at the edge of the bed, the sheets still covering his lower half.

"No.. no that's not what- that's not the reason" he says. "You don't love me anymore for another reason? What did I do?" I put my hand on my stomach as I try to calm myself down. "You didn't do anything" he holds my hands.

"Why don't you care enough about me not to hurt me like this? It kills me everytime I have to wake up without you.. go to work without you.. do surgeries without you.. why don't you feel the same way?" I'm crying hysterically now.

"Meredith.. mer.. I miss you so so so much.. I just- we just need to be strong.. for you and for the kids" he says. "I can't" I say.

He looks into my eyes. "Will you just hold me for a bit.. I need to be with you before I go to the house" I whisper. He lays down, pulling me into his arms. I lay between his legs.

"I love you so so much.. I'm sorry for trying to push you away.. come and visit me whenever you want.. I'm always here for you" he says. "Thankyou" I whisper.

"Please come here a lot" he whispers. "I will.. a lot" I say. "Thankyou" he says. "I love you" I say. "I love you more" he says.

1224 words

Update: I'm on my way to school PAHAHA IM GONNA CRY