You lay awake in bed, just staring blankly at the ceiling. The funeral for your sister had been today. She had committed suicide, and you blamed yourself for not noticing the signs. Even though you didn't live at home anymore you still should have been able to notice something. Especially since you had once felt like she did, except you never succeeded.
A rustling next to you reminded you that Demi was there. Unlike you, she was sound asleep. You felt envious of her as she was able to sleep peacefully, but as you continued watching her, that envy turned into anger. How could she sleep after everything that had happened? She didn't understand how much you were hurting. She still had her little sister; yours was gone forever.
You shifted so you were facing away from her. You had so much emotion inside of you, yet you couldn't cry. You had done more than enough crying in the past few days that right now it just wouldn't be effective. An idea came to mind, and after checking that Demi was still sleeping, You quietly shuffled to the bathroom, soundlessly shutting the door behind you.
You quickly found what you were looking for. After double-checking to make sure that the door was locked, you pressed the blade against the skin of your wrist. On second thought, that was way too obvious. Where would Demi not see? The answer came to you easily: your hips. You pushed your top out of the way and lowered your pajama bottoms just enough to give you access to an unmarred hip. You didn't hesitate before making several cuts, as the thought of what a bad sister you were provided all the motivation you needed.
After cleaning up and putting a bandage over the cuts, you made your way back to bed. You had been smart enough to make the cuts on the side that enabled you to sleep facing away from Demi. You made yourself as comfortable as possible, but you knew you still couldn't sleep. In an attempt to at least get some rest, you shut your eyes.
It was a stupid mistake. If your eyes had been open you would've stopped Demi's arm that she unconsciously draped over you. You flinched in pain as it landed on the cuts, and the movement was enough to wake Demi up.
“What's wrong?” she asked sleepily. “Nothing, Demi. Go back to sleep.” You didn't want to worry her, since she obviously wasn't worried to begin with. There had been more anger in your statement than you had intended, put you hoped that Demi hadn't picked up on it.
“It's 4 in the morning and you're still awake, so clearly something is wrong. And you don't have to snap at me.” For some reason, her words only added to your anger. “Fuck you Demi. I just said good-bye to my sister for the last time but you're acting like everything is okay. Go sleep on the fucking couch, I don't want you here.”
Your sudden outburst stunned her. “Y/N...” she started, hoping to reason with you. You wouldn't have it though. “Go. Take your pillow and go.” You heard her sigh in defeat before grabbing her pillow and leaving. You didn't relax until she was out of the room. The bed may have felt empty without her, but you preferred it over her being next to you.
You used the remaining hours before sunrise to try and get some sleep, but you just couldn't. There were so many things running through your mind. Eventually the sunlight started creeping through the blinds, and any chance of sleeping was gone. Demi was an early riser, so it didn't surprise you when you could smell her making breakfast. Hopefully she was only making enough for herself, because you had absolutely no appetite.
You had your eyes closed, so you hadn't noticed her appearing in the doorway. “I made some waffles if you're hungry.” Was she trying to upset you? Your sister had loved waffles, choosing them over every breakfast item when given the option.
“Just go away” you mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around you. You heard her walk over to you and brush away the few strands of hair that were covering your face. “I think you should eat. It might make you feel better if you got some food in you.”
You resisted the urge to smack her with your pillow. “The Great Demi has spoken. Too bad her opinion is irrelevant to me” you replied sarcastically. You flipped onto your side so you weren't looking at her, regretting it as soon as you did. The pressure on the cuts sent a jolt of pain through your body, and with it came a whimper.
“What was that?” Demi asked, immediately concerned. “I-I just landed on my arm weird. And I'm not eating your waffles, they probably taste like shit anyway.” She ignored your last comment as she grabbed your arm and forced you to roll over onto your back.
“Show me where you did it” she demanded with her arms crossed. “Where I did what?” you asked, pretending not to know what she meant. She didn't answer you, letting her eyes scan your body. They lingered on your wrists but didn't find anything. When her hands reached for your shirt you shoved them away.
“Don't touch me Demi” you warned, but she paid no attention to you. It was hard to defend yourself on the bed, so you got up and tried to leave the room. Demi was two steps ahead of you, already blocking the doorway. “Move” you growled, glaring at her. At first she didn't, but then she appeared to give in and step aside.
You were walking past her when she gripped your hip in a vice-like grip. The pain was blinding and you stumbled, but she caught you before you could fall. “Fuck! Demi, let go!” you cried, barely resisting the urge to slap her for hurting you.
Her features softened as she dropped her hand, but she didn't apologize. “Why would you do that?” she questioned softly. At her question you felt tears welling up in your eyes and spilling over. You didn't get a chance to wipe them away before she pulled you to her, your face nestled against her neck. “It wasn't your fault, please don't punish yourself for it.”
“Don't say that. I didn't notice that she was hurting, and I could've helped. I should've noticed but I was too busy with you” you accused. It was unfair of you to blame her, but if your couldn't blame yourself than she was the next best thing. Demi didn't respond, just moved over to the bed and pulled you down on it with her. She brushed her fingers through your hair as you silently cried. “I hate you” you croaked through the tears. You didn't really mean it, but she knew that. She didn't even skip a beat before snuggling you closer into her warm embrace and kissed the top of your head. “That's okay, I love you enough for both of us.”
