Josh Dun imagines

Struggles (part 1)

Josh Dun imagine

4 years ago you tied the knot with your best friend ever. You've always known you wanted to be a mother to his children, but since you were 16 years old you knew getting pregnant was going to be a struggle. At 16 you were diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome or PCOS, which means your chances of getting pregnant and not miscarrying the child were slim. Josh was aware of this and he always said that it would work out in the end.
3 Years Ago
It's not uncommon for someone with PCOS to not get their period, so when you didn't get it this month it wasn't a concern. It was only the next month when you felt really sick and bloated. You took a pregnancy test and cried when you saw that it was positive. You and Josh at that point had been trying for a little over a year.
"Josh come here quick." you called out of the bathroom.
Josh came running thinking there was an emergency.
"What is it? Are you okay?" he asked and you turned around with the pregnancy test in your hand.
"Josh we're gonna be parents." you cried.
"Really?" you nodded your head. "Y/N, I told you it would happen. This is amazing." he said excitedly.
That was one of the best feelings you ever had, but it ended when you were 19 weeks pregnant. You had just found out it was a boy 3 days before and the doctor said everything looked good. you had decided his name was going to be William after Josh's father. You couldn't wait to hold that precious bundle of joy.
It was late when you started feeling intense cramping. You were both in bed when you shot up in immense pain.
"Josh, Josh wake up something's wrong." you said frantically.
"What is it babe?" Josh said groggily, but when he saw you he sat up quickly.
"I think there's something wrong with the baby." you explained.
"Do you think we should go to the hospital?" he asked getting up from the bed to help you up.
You nodded your head, in to much pain to speak.
When you stood up you saw a small pool of blood on the bed sheets.
"Oh god." you cried, knowing you probably lost the baby.
"Shh, it's okay. We're going to get checked out everything will be fine." Josh soothed you and for your own sake you had to believe him.
Once at the hospital they took you in for a ultrasound and you held tightly onto Josh's hand the entire time looking for the movement or heartbeat of your baby. When the nurse wasn't saying anything, you knew it didn't mean good things.
"I'm so sorry ma'am, but I can't find a heartbeat. It looks to me that you lost the baby sometime yesterday. I'm going to let this sit in for a minute and leave you two some privacy. The doctor will be in soon to discuss options." she said sincerely before leaving the room.
You broke down and Josh sat with you until you stopped crying, whispering loving words into your ear.
"It's okay Y/N. He will forever be in our hearts. He wasn't going to be strong enough for all our love. I'm so sorry you have to go through this."he said while kissing your head.
Every mother looks forward to hearing their baby cry when they are delivered. You had to deliver your baby boy, but you never got to hear him cry.
When you went home the next day you sat in the started nursery. You rocked back and forth in the rocking chair you had just ought. I was the first the first thing you bought for the nursery and the last. You imagined being able to hold a baby while rocking them, but it soon set in that it wasn't going to happen.
Josh was there for you, but you pushed him away wanting to be alone and moan over the loss of your son. After 3 weeks of tears and pure sorrow Josh finally got you out of the house.
You were currently just walking around the park talking about what had happened.
"Look I'm sorry I've been so distant, it's just I feel guilty." you started and Josh stopped walking.
"What? Y/N, you couldn't control this. None of it was your fault. He wasn't going to be strong enough and although it's extremely unfortunate, it must have been for the better." he said and squeezed you closer into his side and continued walking.
"What if I can't carry kids without miscarrying them. God why do I think I can have a kid, I can't even keep it alive when it's in me." you said starting to cry.
"Don't say that. The time will come and there is always options to help with your condition. I think we should wait and see where life takes us. Were still young." he said kissing your head.
He made you feel better and soon you were back to your normal self. He was right you were only 22 and him 25, there was time and options.
Over the next 3 years you kept trying for a baby, but the negative pregnancy tests never stopped. Twenty one pilots was getting a lot of attention, receiving awards and a Grammy. You were so happy for Josh, and you were sort of relieved you had lost that first baby because life was too busy for a baby or what he would be a 3 year old.
It had been exactly 3 years since you had to deliver your baby boy and it was always a hard day for you. Each year on this date you and Josh would go to that same park and release 2 blue balloons in his memory.
"We love you little William Dun." Josh said when he let his balloon go into the wind.
"Send us a little brother or sister from heaven Will, we love you dearly. Mommy thinks of you everyday." you said and let go of your balloon.
Josh held you in his arms as you two watched the balloons float away. Some people might think it's weird that you were talking to the sky and letting go of a balloon, but it made both of you happy.
Once the balloons were out of sight you tuned to Josh and kissed him.
"I love you Josh."
"I love you too. What do you say we go get some ice cream to make this day happier." you nodded and started to walk with him.
Although you were still craving to have a baby, you kept Josh's words close to your heart that the time will come.
It was 2 negative pregnancy tests later when you decided to bring up the topic of seeing a doctor for help getting pregnant.
"Hey Josh will you come here for a second?" you asked.
He said next to you on the couch and you sat closer to him.
"I know we were just letting time decide when we would have a baby, but I'm really ready to be a mother and I'm just dying to have a baby. We've tried for 4 years and lost William. I was looking online and there are a few options to help with infertility. Do you think we can look into it?" you asked, unsure of what Josh's reply would be.
"Yeah, I think that's a great idea. I don't want to see you disappointed anymore with all the negative tests. I really want kids and if this doesn't work, there's always adoption, but it's worth the try I think." Josh said.
"Thank you thank you thank you." you said tackling him with kisses.
Those were the words you were looking forward to and it gave you a go on setting up an appointment with your doctor. You were aware of the chances of the treatments not working, but it was a chance you were willing to take in order to take one last try at pregnancy.
Two weeks later you went to the doctor's and they told your option for the most successful pregnancy was IVF. IVF extremely expensive and you weren't sure you wanted to pay $13,000 if the pregnancy doesn't work out. Josh reassured you money was the least concern and encouraged you to go ahead with the IVF treatment.
2 months later you were back in the same situation you dreaded, taking a pregnancy test. This time you were extremely nervous and Josh knew that so he decide that you take the test then leave the bathroom and he would look at the results.
"My pees on it, don't touch it." you jokingly warned trying to get rid of some of your nerves.
Josh chuckled at you as you left. You hear the timer go off 2 minutes later and you felt like you could throw up you were so nervous.
You saw Josh start walking towards you with no expression on his face.
'Why wasn't he smiling? If it was positive wouldn't he be happy? Oh god it's negative.' these things were racing through your mind.
"Y/N, look at me." Josh said and you looked from your feet to him, this time her had a smile on his face.
"Josh please tell me good news?" you begged.
"We're having a baby, Y/N, you're pregnant." he said and tears filled your eyes.
"Really? This can't be happening?" you said wiping your face of tears.
"It is baby. This is happening." Josh said kissing you.
You excitement level was through the roof. The doctor had told you if you did get pregnant from the IVF, then the chances of the baby reaching full term was high and you would be most likely holding a little one soon.

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