Josh Dun imagines

Cancer (emotional)

Josh Dun imagine

You remembered that exact day.
The day where your entire world came crashing down within seconds. You were completely astounded at everything, your body froze at the sight of your shaking hand that firmly grasped the protective paper over the medical exam the doctor handed to you moments ago.
While your doctor continued explaining your sickness, you were completely gone and were barely even listening to a word he was saying. You didn't want to be here sitting in self pity for yourself, so you let your mind race to a different place.
Perhaps the beach.
The sounds of the waves echoed beyond the background, the salty scent of the ocean filled within your nostrils. The sand between your toes, giving you a sense of relief and happiness as you stood a few feet away from the shore.
You turned your head and noticed tears dwelling up in Josh's eyes. He tried to not let them fall but he just couldn't help himself– the love of his life was diagnosed with cancer.
You hated seeing Josh upset, it shattered your heart into pieces. It was never your intention to bring all of this on to him but it did anyway. There was nothing you could do about it except for holding his hand as a sign of comfort.
Josh stood stiff but intertwined his fingers with yours. He placed his hand on the palm of his other hand as it braced against the arm rest of his chair. He remained quiet the entire time during the doctor's explanation.
"So, in other words, I can't necessarily tell you how long you have left to live, the cancer has already spread across half of your body by now but all I can give you is some medication and that's all, I'm so sorry." he apologized, giving you his full empathy.
"Some people have the smallest lesions and don't last more than a few months and others have very bad cases and end up living for a long time. It all just depends," he continued on.
You despised the fact on how your doctor briefly explained on how much you'll be living for the rest of time. At this point, it seemed as if you were barely even living. Everyday consisted of either throwing up, terrible migraines and exhaustion.
You didn't want to dare think the fact on losing your beautiful hair but unfortunately it was bound to happen. How could all of this happen so fast?
You interrupted the doctor and quickly stood up and ran out of his office, breaking down into the hallway.
The hallways echoed with the sounds of you sobbing, Josh rushed to your side and gently rubbed your back to help calm you down. You pulled your hands away from your face and held Josh as you sobbed into his chest, your lips continuing to quiver.
"Shh, it's okay, baby." Josh cooed, continuing to rub your back.
You remained quiet, staining the collar of his shirt with your mascara.
Once your crying finally died down, you lifted your head and met Josh's gaze. His eyes were filled with sorrow but yet you still saw a sparkle in his eye. He placed his hand on your cheek and softly rubbed his thumb against it, a sad smile spreading across his face.
It was tough looking into the eyes of the man you loved and continuously telling him that everything would be okay when it wasn't.
You wanted to marry Josh, to have kids and start a beautiful family with him. You wanted to continue touring with him and watch him pour his heart out whenever he performs.
You wouldn't be able to experience that years from now. You hated seeming so negative and not seeing the brighter things but it was as if you were suddenly being yanked by the darkness as it prevented you from reaching out into the light– your positive outcomes for the future.
"We can get through this, Y/N. I promise, I'll be by your side every day for now on, do you hear me?" Josh's voice cracked at the last few words he said, tears cascading themselves down his cheeks.
You weakly smiled, wiping his teary eyes and softly pecked his lips.
"Okay, Josh."

Josh was right.
He stayed by your side everyday for the past six months since the terrible doctor's visit. You were so grateful of having such an amazing boyfriend, he showered you with his love every day, all day.
Ever since you fully lost all your hair, you no longer felt beautiful anymore. Josh still found you as alluring as ever, he didn't fully care of your physical appearance. No matter what, you'd always be beautiful in Josh's eyes.
Everyday was a living struggle, whether you were suddenly attacked by an awful migraine or being nauseous 24/7. It was an absolute pain in the ass, you hated every bit of this disease.
Eventually as the time went on, your family and a few of your close friends decided to come visit you in your home. It pained them all to see you in this type of condition but all they could do for you is offer you the warmth of their hearts.
Josh stood in the kitchen while you were laughing away with your friends, talking about god knows what. He noticed how abnormally optimistic you were and how it seemed as if you suddenly forgot you were even sick for a little while. You continued laughing along with your family and friends, the smiles that spread across their faces gave you a sense of happiness– it warmed your heart.
It pained Josh to see you acting so cheerful at times with such little energy that remained inside your body. He would've never imagined his life suddenly turning around like this, he wished he could take all the pain away and bring back the old you.
He slowly made his way into the living room with everyone else and sat next to you with his arm wrapped around your shoulders. You turned your head towards him and warmly smiled, pressing your lips against his.
"I love you," you softly whispered.
"I love you too."

Within a month later, your condition got worse and worse. You went through chemo a few weeks ago and it completely drew you into exhaustion. You were too tired to do anything at this point, even changing your clothes tired you out.
You wore a beanie every single time you were outside with people around you. You were ashamed of showing the world the real you. Josh would always frown at the sight of you not wanting to be seen without your beanie but sadly all he managed to do about that was to shake off the thought knowing that he couldn't say or do anything to change your mind about that.
As your condition worsened, you had very little time to live. The thought of dying never left you, it teared you into shreds knowing that very soon you'll be laying limp inside a casket.
You quickly shook off those thoughts as Josh suddenly interrupted you.
"Y/N?"
"I'm sorry, yes?"
Josh chuckled, "Zoned out again, babe?"
"Unfortunately." you sighed, shrugging your shoulders.
"You know what, lets go to the beach." he said slightly excited.
"Are you sure? But Josh I'm not going to be able to do much–"
"That's okay," he interrupted, "I just want to take you to your most treasured place. I know how much beaches mean to you."
You grinned, "Joshua William Dun, what did I do to ever deserve a man like you?" you joked.
"I'm not sure either but I'm thankful that you managed to come into my life." he said while gazing at you.
"Alright then hot-shot, let's go to the beach." you said excitedly and threw your hands in the air.
Josh widely grinned and carried you bridal style to his car, caring less of you yelling at him to put you down.
Within minutes later, the two of you arrived at the beach and attempted to run towards the shore but unfortunately you couldn't.
Josh stood beside you as you held hands together, looking out into the ocean in silence.
Just like the memory you had back at the doctors office months ago, it finally came to life. The sounds of the waves echoed beyond the background, the salty scent of the ocean filling within your nostrils. The sand between your toes, giving you a sense of relief and happiness as you stood a few feet away from the shore with Josh by your side.
You stopped your tracks and stared into Josh's eyes. His expression was quizzical but he decided to not question you on why you stopped walking. You placed your hand on his cheek and let a few tears fall on your cheeks.
"I don't know how to thank you, Josh. For everything you've done for me, you've made my life amazing. Besides this shitty ass cancer, seeing you smile or being by my side this entire time gave me a reason to find something to wake up to every day during these past miserable months. I would be lost without you, I honestly don't know what would have happened to me if you weren't with me through this." you cried, wiping your teary eyes as you talked.
Josh weakly smiled and wiped a few of your tears. "I told you I'd promise to always be by your side and I was. Everyday is a living struggle but if I'm lucky enough to make you smile once throughout your day, that's enough to keep me going through this too with you. I love you more than words can express, Y/N. You are the light in my life, the taco to my bell."
You burst into a fit of laughter after his last few words. You loved how no matter how awful the situation may be, Josh still found a way to make you smile.
"And I love you too, Josh. So fucking much," your voice cracked again and buried your head into his chest as you continued sobbing.
He rubbed his hand once again on your back, calming you down with the softness of his touch.
"The hardest part about all of this is leaving you," you weakly croaked.
Josh remained silent and tightly embraced your limp body beneath his.
He continuously whispered how much he loved you and how he'd always remember you and how happy you made him after all those years the two of you were together.
Death destroys us all– it leaves sadness and a void in our loved ones hearts.
But the thing about death, is that eventually someday or somewhere, something beautiful will happen, because once the rain is gone, the sun is shining once again.

Credit to puppy-josh on Tumblr