It's Happening: NCIS

Chapter 90

Tim's POV:

I thought we were going to be at the hospital for hours. No, I honestly thought we would be there all day. We ended up only being there for only a few hours. I've never had to deal with something like this firsthand before.

I sat down next to her the whole time. I didn't leave her for a second. There was a moment when I wanted to get her a drink, but she wanted me to stay with her. Staying with her was the most important thing because neither of us have had to do this for someone before.

The suspenseful part was when Melissa decided to open the will. I thought she was going to wait, but somehow, she knew she had to. I didn't know this before, but the will actually holds what James wants done with his body.

I had chills go through my body when she opened the envelope. she was slowly unfolding the note, but she knew she had to read it. She read the will in silence while I held her hand. She didn't say anything or look at anyone. She just stared at the note and kept all her thoughts to herself. I didn't ask her what it said, and I didn't ask her if she knew everything that was written. All I could do was be there for her in that moment. Luckily that's exactly what she wanted.

When the person at the desk asked her what she wanted to do with the body, Melissa said that he wants to be cremated. The nurse went on to tell her that they had a service that's connected with the hospital for a procedure like that.

Melissa shrugged and said, "Fine."

The nurse paused for a moment and looked at me. I shrugged just like Melissa did.

I know that when people pass, they have a specific way they would like to be remembered by. They would either like to have a funeral with their surrounding loved ones or cremated. How family and the way people are; they respect that person's wishes since they are dead. I don't know why I'm so bothered that he didn't give her a choice in how to handle his body. Actually, I do know why and it's because he didn't even tell her he had cancer. How can you go all these years with cancer and look the way you do? I should say did. He looked like a normal man. He looked like a man that had alcoholism. He did not look like a man that was unhealthy in any other way. Somehow, I think that's what's going through Melissa's mind right now.

I have no idea what she could be feeling. We both lost our mothers at a young age, but I have never lost anyone, then ended up surprised because of the cause. There's no easy way to prepare for this, but Melissa never even saw it coming.

She sat quietly in the chair unless the nurse asked her something. She didn't move much. She didn't show much emotion either.

When everything was done the nurse didn't waste any time in telling Melissa that she could schedule for James to be cremated as we speak since the business is connected to the hospital. Melissa decided it was better to do it as soon as possible than to wait. The nurse agreed and she made it for an hour later.

I looked at those two women and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Melissa looked like she wasn't processing anything, and the nurse looked like she had no empathy. She wasn't the one to do surgery on him she wasn't the one riding in the ambulance, why was there no emotion at the desk?

The man who owns the business contacted the nurse as we were sitting there and said that he actually had an opening right now. The nurse said that she could do it right then and there and Melissa told her to do it. I still cannot believe my eyes out what was going on.

The nurse told us that James should be down there by the time we get over there. Melissa shook her head and got up from her chair. I followed her lead and she told the woman thank you. I set it as well, but I wasn't sure that's why I was supposed to say in that moment because I wasn't happy with her. I know this is stuff you have to discuss immediately but this is all new to Melissa. People think we lose people every day but that's not the case. Melissa had James her whole life and that was it. He was the only one there besides her mother until she was eight. He's the first person she's lost and she's acting like she lost nothing. I didn't understand it and I didn't know what to say.

I held Melissa's hand all the way there. I held her in the elevator when we went down, and she didn't say anything. Neither did I.

When we got to the cremation service the man was very polite. He shook Melissa's hand and mine and he basically told us everything he was going to do. He gave his condolences and then asked her what urn she would like to have.

Melissa replied, "what do you got?"

It was out of character for her, but I had to let it happen.

She picked one that was black and red, and I just couldn't process anything that was going on. I've never gone through this myself and she's acting like she's taken this road about 10 times.

The process took three hours, and this wasn't how I wanted Melissa to spend the day. I didn't want her to spend it in a dark waiting room in a cremation service waiting for James to be cremated. Just thinking about it, it's a crazy thought to me but she sat down immediately and waited as the man walked away from us.

"Baby, are you okay?" I finally had to ask. Her silence has been digging into and it's all I could hear.

She was staring at the floor when I asked her, and she didn't budge.

"It's okay if you're not. It's also okay to speak about it. It's better if you do."

I can tell she's thinking before she answers me. She sighs when she opens her mouth and there's more hesitation.

"This whole thing is just weird. Maybe that's why I'm acting weird."

"I know this is the last thing you ever expected-"

"It's not even that. I have a way of handling that later, but it's the way I was acting earlier."

Acting earlier? I'm the hospital she barely showed any emotion.

"When you found him?" I'm reminded about the moment by looking down at her blood stained shirt. I still can't believe she has it on.

"Yeah, I was hysterical and wanted him to wake up, but knew it wasn't going to happen. In all honesty, I didn't need that nurse to tell me that he was dead, I already knew it."

That saddens me for a second but makes me glad because if that truly was the moment that she put it together, then she did show emotion. That's important to me. I don't want her to suppress her emotions about this because it will just get worse and worse as it goes on. So, if that was the moment, she showed emotion and she knew then I am all for it.

I bring her into my arms again and she lets me. This is also making me happy that she's accepting my affection and not trying to push me away.

"I'm not thrilled at all that he didn't tell me about his condition. Yet, there's something inside of me that is telling me that I already knew that his time was coming, and I didn't want to acknowledge it."

I've never heard Melissa talk about spirituality at all. I've never brought it up myself because I feel like it's such a controversial topic. I do have to admit though that I'm not quite understanding how she could have a feeling beforehand that James time was up.

"Like, what if that's why I had such an urge to make amends with him. I was fine with leaving it and never going back there again but I had to call Gibbs that day. I had to go see him and talk about this with him. What if it was a feeling deep inside of me letting me know that this could be over soon, so say it while you can?"

I rest my chin on her and continue to hug her tight. "I don't know baby. I do want you to talk to me though. I don't care what it's about, I just want you to talk to me."

She flips her body to look up at me. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I love you."

I lean down and kiss her lips. "I love you too baby."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"When this is over can we go home, and you just hold me the rest of the day?"

When James was in the urn and Melissa put him on the deck outside our home, I didn't exactly that.