It's Happening: NCIS

Chapter 91

(Even though this chapter does get sad (that's a warning) I do have to say it's one of my favorites and you will see why. Happy reading :) )

Melissa's POV:

James is gone.

James is gone and I don't feel the pain I felt when I found him.

That was the last thing I thought I would ever have to go through. I thought the worst when I saw his body on the floor. I saw the blood on the counter, floor, on this head and he was faced down not breathing. I immediately started freaking out. I didn't know what was going on and all I could do was go to him in that moment.

It was when I was holding his head, I knew that he was gone. I felt his neck and I couldn't get a pulse. When I was holding his neck, he didn't say anything, and he didn't complain. He didn't do anything and that was the problem. That's when I knew he was gone. That was when I stopped screaming, Tim just got to me, and all I could do was cry and beg for him to come back to me.

Of course, I didn't want to believe it. We just rekindled our relationship. We rekindled a relationship that we haven't had in a very long time.

I wasn't holding the man that hurt me for so many years. I was holding the man that helped raise me while she was here. I was holding the man who finally wanted to be a father to me, and I welcomed him with open arms. We were building something for a year, and I went silent on him for so long when all the secrets came about. Now, I realize all the time I lost and I'm never going to get it back.

I think about the time that I lost, and I'm hurt. Then, I remember that I had this feeling that he was going to leave me soon. I don't understand it nor can I explain it. I didn't talk about it because I didn't want to put that out into the universe and have it come back to me. I had this strong feeling that he was going to leave here soon, and I made amends with him. I wanted him at the wedding I wanted to have it as traditional as I could for a father and a daughter with the type of wedding we're having.

Having the knowledge that he was gone was bad enough. The last thing I wanted to do was wait around and put off putting his body to rest the way he wanted it to be. I didn't want that hanging over my head and drowning in that feeling. When the nurse told me that there was an opening to cremate his body I had to jump to the chance because I knew if I didn't do it then, I wasn't going to be up to it ever. I know that I am at peace with his death way too quickly for some people, but I was the one who grew up with him. I was the daughter in this rocky relationship. No one else was there to even comment on how I'm supposed to be handling this.

I don't know how to explain it to anybody if I don't even know how to explain it to Tim or myself. All I know is I had a feeling that he was going to leave me soon and I had to fix the problem. I held onto hope that he was going to make it for the wedding, and he didn't. In the back of my head I knew he was leaving but that doesn't mean the pain isn't there. It just means I was prepared for this in way.

I just have to clear a few things up before I can be at full peace and with him leaving.

Yesterday when we got home Tim did exactly what he promised me. I put James on the deck in the back of the house because frankly I don't want him in here. I didn't know it until now, but cremation is making me uncomfortable. I held him on the car ride home and that was the closest he and I have ever been. I wish that he wanted a proper funeral, but he had a point with what he mentioned in his will. After I did that, Tim held me in his arms in our bed all day. He told me I had to eat something at a point and when I got up, I saw that he heated up frozen pizza for us. I would've rather had my homemade pizza, but I understood where he was coming from and didn't say anything. I was hungry anyway even though I didn't want to admit it at first. It was good enough for a hungry stomach.