Closer 2

94.

Brett honestly didn't know what to think anymore. He had spent the last few days putting things in boxes to ve ready for their move and looking after their daughter while Eddy was out of the house doing... What exactly?

The first few times he had valid excuses, like grocery shopping or getting his glasses adjusted. Then Leonora had asked him to please get him some grape juice. At six in the evening. And that would've been fine too, if it wasn't for the fact that Eddy didn't come home until well after ten. He said they had been chatting and forgotten the time. Brett wanted to believe him.

This time, though, he hadn't told him where he was going. Just "out". Hadn't Brett caught him getting his shoes on he wouldn't even have known he left.

Brett just didn't understand, because everything had been going relatively well the past week. They had talked about their problems, communicated when they were sad, hugged things out. But now, when Brett asked about where Eddy had been, he either just shrugged him off or got defensive. It felt like something was wrong.

"Baba?" Elise asked next to him, and at that point Brett realized he was crying. It had just been the past few days, it was probably nothing and he was just being pathetic.

"Hi baby, what's up?" he asked, wiping his tears. Elise furrowed her brows and reached out to touch his cheek.

"Baba cry?" she asked, getting that quivering pouty lip she got when she was sad about something. Usually about not getting to wear her white dress for daycare or dropping her shark out of her crib.

"No, no, baba's okay. Baba just misses daddy," Brett said quickly, kissing hee forehead. His voice broke at the last word, though. It felt like he had done something wrong to push Eddy away.

"No cry," Elise sniffled, big tears rolling down her cheeks now while she tried to wipe baba's tears the way baba always wiped hers. She wasn't really coordinated enough to do it properly, though. "Is okay."

"Yeah, it's okay, baby. There's no need to cry," Brett sniffled, shifting from sitting on his knees to sitting on his butt and pulling his daughter into his lap for a hug. "Daddy's just out for a bit. He'll be back soon."

"Daddy out," Elise nodded, hugging baba tightly. "Back soon."

...

Eddy felt awful. He felt guilty, he felt like he had done the worst thing ever. Thing was, it felt so good in the moment. It felt so much more real, like it was actually happening.

He had of course been visiting Leonora, learning all about how the twins moved, how they grew, how it felt to carry them and how it affected Leonora's life. It really felt like he was actually becoming a dad.

The guilt after he left was awful, though. It ate at him, slowly nibbling on his swollen heart after the amazing joy he had felt while there. He felt guilty about his excitement in general, and how it hurt Brett, but most of all he felt guilty about the fact that he was more excited about the twins than he had been with Elise.

He loved Elise more than his own life, more than anyone really... Except the two boys growing in Leonora's stomach, and he knew he shouldn't feel that way. One was supposed to love your kids equally, right?

That's why he dreaded going home, why he parked the car on the side of the road because he couldn't see properly through the tears. He wished he hadn't talked Brett into having more kids so he wouldn't know the twins, so he wouldn't have to go home to Brett and Elise and feel guilty about being happy.

He wished he didn't think Brett would leave him if he knew how he felt, but he couldn't see how else that conversation could possibly go down.

Eddy stayed on the side of the road for an hour after leaving Leonora's house. He couldn't find it in him to go home.