Closer 2

82.

"Are you really grateful for the twins?" Eddy asked once they got out to the car. They had agreed on having individual sessions and a session with both of them next week, which Brett thought was alright.

Brett looked to Eddy before answering. Hadn't they just talked about this for half an hour with the therapist.
"I am, as I said," he confirmed, furrowing his brows. Why was he asking about that still?

"So it's not just something you say because that's the right thing yo say?" Eddy asked quietly, looking down at his hands which were picking on a piece of skin by his thumbnail. "It's okay if it is, I just need to know."

"It's not just something I say. I am grateful for the twins, and I'm grateful for the fact that you're willing to raise more kids with me," Brett said, running a hand through his hair. "But as I explained, I'm scared of losing what we have and then not get something better out of it. I just don't want to lose you, you know."

"I know what you said, and it makes sense," Eddy said, and Brett could tell there was a 'but' coming. "But I still wish I hadn't pushed you to it, so that you wouldn't have to worry about that. I wish you were their biological father so that you could feel connected to them, if it had to happen still. I wish they were just one baby, so it wouldn't be so much."

"I don't wish any of that," Brett said softly, taking Eddy's hand before he could pick his skin apart. "I'm happy you get to experience that kind of connection too, and I'm happy we're getting two small versions of you."

"It would've been easier if it wasn't me, though. It would've been easier if you were their biological father."

"It wouldn't have been, because you wanted to experience this and I wanted to let you have that experience. Doing it the other way around again would just have caused more tensions between us," Brett said, giving Eddy's hand a squeeze. He hadn't started the car yet, because he wanted to make sure Eddy was okay. "Listen to me, yeah? I'm just scared I'll lose you. If you can promise me I won't, I'll work on my fears, yeah? Just like the therapist said, with talking about things and with the thought journal."

"It's impossible for you to lose me unless you decide you don't want me anymore," Eddy said softly, looking down at their hands still. Brett reached over with his available hand and tilted his chin up with the palm of his hand, stroking Eddy's cheek with his thumb.

"Then we're staying together forever, yeah? We'll be okay, this is just a rough patch. Just like the therapist said."

"Okay," Eddy exhaled, leaning into Brett's soft hand. Brett smiled a bit. It really felt like things could work out eventually, and they had only been to one session.

"I love you, Eddy."

"Love you too."