Closer 2

77.

Eddy rolled over in bed, laying on his side so he could look at his boyfriend in the bed next to him. A tight knot had formed in his stomach over the weeks since they learned they were having two boys. Maybe it would've been better if Brett had been the father? At least Brett wouldn't have to feel left out and sad. Besides, Eddy knew how to handle it, because he had been through it before. It wasn't fair of him, knowing how sucky it was to not be the biological father, to push Brett into that. It was selfish and disgusting, honestly.

He reached out to brush a strand of hair away from his boyfriend's face. He looked so peaceful when he slept, like nothing was wrong anymore, like Eddy hadn't fucked his life up. Because that's what he really had done. How could he not have realized Brett didn't want this? How could he not have realized this would hurt him?

Brett scrunched up his nose for a bit and grunted slightly when Eddy touched his face. Eddy was going to retract his hand, but when Brett scooted closer and reaching for him in his sleep he decided to wrap his arms around him instead and pull him to his chest. The least he could do was to offer comfort to the poor guy as he suffered through something that was Eddy's fault.

"I'm so sorry I made you do this with me," Eddy whispered barely audibly into Brett's hair before kissing the top of his head. "I'm so sorry I guilted you into this, and I'm sorry I keep pushing you down even more by being too excited about it."

Eddy knew he shouldn't be excited at all. What kind of sick person is excited about something that clearly is hurting someone they love? Well, that was him apparently, and he hated himself for it. He saw how Brett tried to fake excitement for him, and he knew Brett's long showers were not spent masturbating. He knew that Brett was just sinking lower into what Eddy recognized as a depression as the weeks since they learned they were having twin boys passed.

Tomorrow they were seeing the therapist, though. Eddy hoped it would help Brett out of the depression, help him and them find solutions. Eddy hoped those solutions wouldn't include leaving him, but it felt like the only way he could stop ruining his life. At least the only way Eddy could think of. If the therapist didn't have other solutions, Eddy was sure that was how Brett would fix this. If not, then Eddy would be forced to consider fixing it himself. To make sure Brett was okay.

"I'm so sorry, Brett. I don't want to live without you," Eddy half squeaked, half whispered, holding Brett tighter as the tears ran down his cheeks. He suppressed a sob as he buried his face in Brett's hair. "She has to have a solution for us, she has to. I just don't want to keep hurting you anymore."