Closer 2

86.

'Check this out, you can see them kick!'

Eddy couldn't help but smile at the video Leonora had sent him of her large belly and how it was actually possible to see it bulge ever so slightly when his baby boys stretched out a tiny foot or a shoulder. She had told him about them knocking over glasses she had rested on her belly, but he had never seen it on video before.

He was so excited about the fact that their birth was getting closer, but he also felt so guilty about feeling like that. Sure, Brett said he was happy about the twins. Sure, he would listen the times Eddy couldn't shut himself up. But then every time without fail, he completely shut down and get all quiet. Eddy wasn't blind, he knew he was hurting Brett by being too excited. He didn't want to hurt Brett.

Instead, he tried to let it out when Brett wasn't home, or when he was sleeping. It was his guilty pleasure, in a way.

He pulled up the last ultrasound images they had of them, zooming in on a little nose, some fingers, the chin, a foot. The tickling of excitement in the bottom of his stomach made him smile, but at the same time it slowly ate him up as the guilt grew.

'Have they been active recently?' he sent back, putting his phone on the coffee table. He was supposed to do work, not look at pictures of the twins.

He had barely opened the first email when the phone vibrated twice against the table, notifying him of the message. He couldn't help it, he had to look.

'Yeah, especially at night for some reason. Hope they'll treat you guys better than they treat me ;p'

Eddy couldn't help but smile a bit. The image of waking up to Brett asleep in the chair with two small boys in his arms filled his mind, making his stomach tickle. He hoped that could be the reality. That Brett would fall for the twins like he had fallen for Elise. He was terrified he wouldn't. That this would only be in the way of Brett's idea of a perfect family life.

"Get your shit together, you're supposed to be working," Eddy mumbled to himself, replying a heart emoji to Leonora before putting his phone away again. He forced himself to read the email, but it was as if his brain didn't have room for the meaning behind the words. It was too full of worries now.

What if Brett didn't just love the twins like he had loved Elise? He had no idea how to fix this if that happened.

"Why can't there just be a way for us to have biological kids?" Eddy asked out loud, putting his laptop aside and laying back on the couch. He locked his eyes on the ceiling as the emotions overwhelmed him, refusing him to get back up. "Why couldn't I have not talked him into having more kids? Why do I always ruin everything?"