Closer 2

87.

When Brett came home with an absolutely exhausted Elise and found Eddy on the couch just staring up at the ceiling, he knew Eddy was tearing himself down.

Thankfully, all he had to do was clean Elise up a bit and lay her down for a nap as she was already half asleep on his shoulder.

"Hey," Brett said softly, sitting down with him on the couch around fifteen minutes later. He ended up putting Eddy's head into his lap, carefully stroking his fingers through his hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty shit," Eddy admitted quietly, looking up at his boyfriend. They had promised in therapy to be honest about how they felt, but Eddy always thought he was just complaining over nothing.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?" Brett asked softly, wiping away a tear that ran down Eddy's face. "So I can help you feel better?"

Eddy sighed, closing his eyes. Of course he knew he should tell Brett. He knew that not saying anything was just going to make Brett worry he did something wrong. Brett never did anything wrong. It was always Eddy who fucked up, who hurt Brett unnecessarily, who ruined things.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Brett said quietly, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "I just want you to be okay."

"It's just stupid," Eddy mumbled, rolling onto his side to hide his face in Brett's stomach. He felt Brett flinch when he did that, though.

"If it makes you upset, I agree it's pretty stupid for not knowing that I'll beat its ass for doing that to you, yeah," Brett said in a half joking tone, trying to cheer him up a bit. Eddy just sighed, though.

"It's just... I got a video from Leonora today of the twins kicking," Eddy mumbled into Brett's stomach. "And I feel bad because I know I'm too excited about everything and that I'll just make you feel bad about it again."

"Can I see the video too?" Brett asked softly, running his fingers through Eddy's hair. Eddy just sighed.

"You don't have to pretend to be excited, Brett. I'm sorry I brought it up."

Brett shook his head slightly.
"No, I know, but I really want to see. If I can?" he asked again, licking his lips. It felt more like he wasn't allowed.

Eddy sat up and reached for his phone.
"You don't have to pretend, Brett. I know it sucks to be in your position, and I'm so sorry I put you in it," he said quietly, still pulling up the video, though.

"I just wanna see our babies, if that's okay," Brett sighed, licking his lips. "I just wanna be included, Eddy. I know I've been emotional about it and all, but... But as it is right now, it doesn't really feel like I'm having kids. It feels like that's something that's only happening for you, and I just want to feel a bit more like we're both actually involved."

"I'm sorry, I... I wish I could change everything so they'd be yours, I..." Eddy stuttered, tears spilling over. Brett quickly pulled him into a tight hug.

"Nonono, Eddy mine, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant," Brett said softly, but quickly. "I just... I want to know about them kicking, oe new pictures or videos or... I just... I wanna be excited with you, even if I suck at it."

"Y... You don't have t... to... p... pretend..." Eddy sobbed, burying his face into Brett's neck. "I'm s... sorry..."

"I'm not pretending, Eddy. I promise I'm not. And you have nothing ot apologize for. Nothing. I'm grateful for the twins, so grateful," Brett mumbled, stroking Eddy's back. "I'm just... I don't feel like jumping up and down, I don't feel like it's my birthday, it's just... I'm happy it's happening, like I'm getting my favourite meal for dinner, of that makes any sense?"

"I'm sorry," Eddy sniffled again, shaking his head. "I don't know how to fix this."

"That's the thing, I don't want it fixed. It's already good," Brett sighed, pulling back a bit to wipe Eddy's tears. "I just need time to get used to it, but I still want to experience everything. I want to actually experience becoming a parent with you properly, you know?"

Eddy looked like he paused for a second, not understanding what he was saying.

"I just want to experience becoming a parent with you properly," Brett repeated, meeting Eddy's teary eyes. "You know, like... Talk about names and how cute they'll be and all. I just... I can't make myself be all... Jumping up and down and..."

Eddy quietly pulled out his phone again, unlocking it and finding the video before handing it to Brett.
"They've... They've been kicking glasses off her stomach. She finally caught it on video," Eddy informed him quietly, looking at Brett while he watched the video. "They're pretty active, appearently."

"Nothing like you, then?" Brett joked softly, raising an eyebrow at him. The smirk formed when it finally clicked for Eddy he was teasing him.

"What do you mean? I'm mr active himself," Eddy said, a smile forming on his lips. Brett snorted, shaking his head.

"Won't even come jog with me."

"When Elise is going to kindergarten on her own, we'll jog, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that."