Closer 2

83.

...

(Sunday 23/9)

Dear diary

Okay fuck, that sounds stupid. I'm never starting a diary entry like that again. The point is that I'm finally starting a diary to deal with stuff like feelings and shit. I have a lot of feelings, appearently, and the therapist have been on my neck about it for weeks. She gave me this notebook today, so I guess I have to now.

Elise said a full sentence today. "Dada give cuddle." It was about the shark, of course. She wanted him to hug the shark. Eddy's cute when he hugs the shark, makes him look all childlike again.
I'm so proud of her, though. She's grown so much. It's insane her first day in daycare is tomorrow. I hope she'll make some friends in there, and that I won't have to stay for long as she gets used to the new environment. She's a tough girl, she can handle herself in daycare. (And I miss alone time with dada...)

There's only three months left until the twins are due. I'm not sure if Eddy has thought about names yet, because Eddy won't talk about the twins to me at all, but I like the names Matthew (shortened Matt) and Aiden.

I know Eddy is just scared of hurting me by talking about the twins, and that he's just trying to be considerate, but it just feels more like I'm not necessary in the equation when he does that. I've tried to find a way to tell him, but I don't want him to think he's doing something wrong again. We just got out of his last loop of thinking he was making me feel insecure about myself because he touched my belly when hugging me from behind. (For the record: I love being hugged from behind, with or without belly touching.

So, I accidentally wrote like three pages. Oops. Anyway, I ate today, like the therapist wanted me to write. I ate properly, like three meals.

That's all I guess. I dunno what else I'd write.

(...)

Brett shut the little, blue notebook and put it in the drawer of his nightstand before pulling the duvet over himself properly and turning to see if Eddy was asleep.

"You finished writing?" Eddy asked softly, turning to his side to see him better. Brett nodded.

"Yeah, turns out I had a lot more to write down than I thought," Brett mumbled, smiling a bit when Eddy reached over to carefully stroke his cheek with his thumb.

"Got a lot to think about?" Eddy asked, brushing some hair away from Brett's forehead. Brett shrugged.

"Kind of," Brett mumbled, being prevented from continuing by a big yawn. Eddy smiled softly, shifting closer and wrapping his arms around him.

"That's understandable. A lot is happening for us these days," Eddy hummed, kissing his forehead before letting Brett settle into resting his heaf on Eddy's chest. "With Leonora coming next Monday, the viewing of that house tomorrow afternoon and Elise starting daycare tomorrow morning."

"I completely forgot about the viewing," Brett sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. "Why is it so hard to find a decent house nowadays?"

"Maybe we're just too picky? I don't know," Eddy hummed jokingly, kissing the top of Brett's forehead. "Maybe we don't actually need a bedroom? We never sleep anyway?"

"I'll sleep now and prove you wrong," Brett mumbled, a smile playing on his lips. He loved this teasing.

"Okay, let me know when you're doing it so I can watch you," he said jokingly, smiling into Brett's hair.

"Night, then," Brett hummed, yawning a bit. "Love you."

"Night babe. Love you too."