The dead men sat in there tent in silence. They had just heard about Skulduggery Pleasant's death and they were all in shock. A few tears had been shed but Ghastly was the worst, tears were pouring out of his eyes like waterfalls, "Ghastly, mate. Its ok." Anton whispered and patted his shoulder but the scarred man didn't listen...his brother had just been killed, "Why? Why did he go without us. Why couldn't he wait?" he whispered and the dead men just sighed and shook their heads "I don't know mate." just then there was a sound at the entrance of the tent and Dexter got up and walked slowly over to the door and un zipped it "Hello?" he called out and when he got no reply after a while he turned back around "Must of been a passer- what?" he asked suspiciously when he noticed all the dead men staring, wide eyed at him "Whats the matter? Is there a spider in my hair?" he quickly shook his head around and when he looked behind him, he screamed girlishly "OH MY GOD!" he screeched and fell back onto the rest of the dead men. Erskine picked up a knife and launched it at the skeleton in the door "ANTON! ITS ME!" the velvet voice yelled and they were all in silence for a while, well that was until "ITS A TALKING MOTHER FUCKING SKELETON!" Saracen screamed and pounced on the skeleton who fell backwards "QUICK! HIT IT WITH A STICK!" Dexter threw a stick at Saracen who started to beat the skeleton with it "YOU! MOTHER! FUCKER! SCARED! THE! SHIT! OUTTA! ME! I! DONT! KNOW! WHY! IM! TALKING! LIKE! A! ROBOT!" with each word he twatted the skeletons head with the stick "OH MY GOD! ITS ME! SKULDUGGERY!" the dead men looked at the skeleton "Oh my god..." started Erskine "...The skeleton is a fucking paedophile! He wouldn't know who Skulduggery was unless he was spying on us!" Saracen started to the beat the skeleton again while Anton picked up a frying pan and launched it at the skeleton but it missed and hit Saracen in the head "Dexter..." he muttered dreamily and face planted onto the skeletons head "OUCH! Guys! Its me, Skulduggery Pleasant!" he tried but Dexter was having none of it "Stand up!" he yelled and the skeleton shoved Saracen off him and stood up "Now...state your business."
"I was just killed by Serpine and I woke up in a river, so I had to put myself back together-"
"Stop right there!"
"What?"
"if you were pulled apart, completely...how the hell did you put yourself back together? Your bone were disconnected."
"Well, yes but-"
"And your missing your dick bone." Dexter said and poked in between the skeletons legs and it covered his pelvis up with his hands "I don't have a dick bone-"
"Then you obviously cant be Skulduggery. Because Skulduggery had a dick."
"How the hell did you know that?" Anton asked and Dexter blushed "We were dunk and I went into his tent and pulled his pants down and-"
"YOU DID WHAT?" the skeleton yelled and Dexter shrugged "It was alright to be honest." Anton ran out the tent to be sick while Erskine went an interesting shade of green and Ghastly stared open mouthed "Ill talk about that with you later! But I am Skulduggery Pleasant!"
"But your not a man if you don't have a dick!"
"I'm a skeleton-"
"Are you a girl?"
"No, I am not a girl-"
"Then your a man?"
"Yes-"
"Then were is your dick bone?"
"I don't have one!"
"But your man!"
"Yes! I am a man-"
"BUT YOU DONT HAVE A DICK!"
"SKELETONS DONT HAVE DICKS!"
"How would you know? Do you creep on skeletons and see if they have dicks?" the skeleton sighed and rubbed his skull "Yes, Dexter I do-" he said sarcastically but Dexter obviously didn't catch his tone and he gasped "I knew you were a paedophile!" he yelled and everyone sighed this time "Listen! I am a man! No, I do not have a dick bone! No, I am not a paedophile! Now can I please speak!" the skeleton cried and everyone stared at him waiting to speak "I am Skulduggery Pleasant-"
"But your not a man though..." the skeleton stormed up to Dexter who cowered in fear "You aint got no balls boy." the skeleton laughed "You don't have any balls." Erskine said from behind him and the skeleton turned around and glared "I know I don't! Don't you think ive noticed?"
"You checked?"
"I didn't need to! Because I know skeletons don't have balls!"
"...are you sure your not a woman?"
"FOR THE LAST TIME! I am not a woman! I do not get periods every month!"
"Are you sure your not on your period? Your pretty cranky."
"NO! I AM NOT A WOMAN SO I AM NOT ON MY PERIOD!"
"...then your a He-She!"
"What?"
"If your not a man and your not a girl, then your a He-She."
"Oh my god...your all dickheads." The skeleton ran a hand over his skull and then Dexter spoke "At least we have dicks..." he muttered and the skeleton kicked the chair he was sitting on and with a yelp Dexter fell to the floor and he stormed out the tent and there was an awkward silence "...he is defiantly on his period." Anton said.
A while later Ghastly walked out of the tend and saw the skeleton sitting against a tree so he walked up to it "Hello." he said and the skeleton didn't reply straight away "Hello."
"How are you?"
"Not to good. I've witnessed my wife and child being murdered in front of me and I come back to a bunch of twats."
"Ah."
"Anyway, what are you doing out here? I thought you would be trying to figure out why i don't have a dick bone."
"I wanted to come and comfort my brother." Skulduggery looked at him and tilted his head "Just so you know I'm smiling." he said and Ghastly chuckled "You will have to tell me when you are. I need to get used to all your signs and movements." Skulduggery laughed and went silent for a while "I cant believe i let them down, Ghastly." he said and Ghastly knew what he was talking about "Don't worry Skul. You will find a girl and you will settle down with her and you will protect her and love her."
"But what about Kristen and Abbey?"
"They would want you to be happy." Skulduggery sighed and nodded "But who would love a skeleton?" he asked and Ghastly grinned "There will be one special girl that you meet and you will love her and she will love you. Who cares your a skeleton? You are an amazing person Skulduggery." Ghastly said and Skulduggery tilted his head again "You think so?"
"I know so." he smiled.
465 years later...
Skulduggery and Valkyrie sat cuddled up on the bed as they watched there new born baby sleeping "I love you, Val." Skulduggery said lovingly and Valkyrie smiled and kissed him "I love you too, Skul."
"Until the end?"
"Until the end."
