The Advice Column II

204

Advice Request
This person is very depressed and self harms.

Answered Submission
Hello there!

First of all, I just want to congratulate you for managing to stop cutting for six months. Even if you’ve started again, personally, for me, being able to hold back the urges for six months is an impressive feat and could only be done by someone with a strong soul.

About the abuse that you have been going through, I think this is what you can do:

1. Call the Child Protection office.
I don’t understand why the police haven’t done anything, but, if it’s possible, you can call the Child Protection office for your area. You can also call a help line regarding abuse that will help you. I’m sorry that I don’t know where you live, so I can’t give you the number to the help line, but I believe almost every country has it.

Make sure to collect evidence of the abuse that has been done to you to make your case stronger to the authorities.

2. Reach out to trusted adults.
You can also reach out to trusted adults or your teachers, if you’re still in school and underage. Tell them about the abuse and also about your depression. A responsible adult would never let those things go by without right actions being done.

However, if you’re already over eighteen, technically, you are free from your father’s responsibility, so you can just stay at your friend’s house or at a community centre. This will allow you to avoid being abused more by your father.

3. Tell a close friend.
Even if you’re still not eighteen, if the situation of the abuse has been too uncontrollable, I advise you to try to ask your closest friend to lend you a hand, and stay at their house for a while. It would be better if you tell their parents about the problems that you’re having.

As for the feelings that you have to meet all the expectations—don’t.
You don’t have to keep up with people’s expectations. Right now, the most crucial thing for you to do, with your fragile mental state, is to try your best to survive all the things that are going on. Don’t think at all about the expectations. Other people don’t live your life. You do. Set your own goals, even if it’s a small thing. As long as the goal is a personal progress for you, it’s still a success on your part.

In my culture, we have a saying which means that things that are done little by little will always amount to something big. There’s also the famous quote by Lao Tzu: "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Even though, on a bigger scale, one step is nothing compared to the thousand miles, without the steps, there wouldn’t be a thousand miles to begin with.

As for your depression, it would be best to seek professional help as soon as possible. Even if you can’t reach out for paid professional help, you can always go to your school’s counsellor. They will be ready to help.

Whenever you feel like cutting, you can distract yourself by doing some other things. You can start drawing random pictures on your wrists or body parts as a substitute to the urge of cutting yourself.

I’m sorry for what is happening to your mother. I hope that her suffering and also your suffering will be eased greatly. There’s this saying that it is the darkest just before dawn, and maybe your dawn is just around the corner.

I wish you the best of luck.

With tons of love and hope,

The Advice Column Team