The Advice Column II

243

Advice Request
This person is scared for their friend.

Answered Submission
Hello,

I'm sure you understand that self-harm and depression cannot be taken lightly. Therefore, it's best that your friend eventually seeks some kind of professional help. At least find someone knowledgable enough to know that physch wards aren't the only solution, someone who can direct her to either a support group or one-on-one sessions with a therapist.

Convincing her to see a therapist or join a support group may be a hard thing do to. People often view it as shameful or terrifying, but you need to explain to her how it could truly help her. You wouldn't want to do it when she's in her darkest mood, but do try bringing it up at a time when she is feeling fairly alright. Bring it up gently, show that it is merely a suggestion (not that you've already made any moves without her consent) and that you're on her side and will always be. She will most likely refuse at first but perhaps if you bring it up once more and assure her over and over that this won't send her to physch, that she can stop it the moment it starts to feel uncomfortable, she might agree.

Finding out what exactly in the phsych ward makes her so depressed could also be really helpful. Is it the place itself? The people in it? The way she is treated? If you can find out what bothers her so much about it, it can help you with your search for a therapist. Surely the therapist will work on treating her with those things in mind.

Until you can get the therapy sorted out, stay by her side and support her no matter what happens. What she may need during the hard times is simply someone to listen, give her a hug and offer her a safe place to talk or cry without being judged or ridiculed. Make sure she knows that you are there for her, that she can open up anytime she wants to, most importantly that you will listen to whatever she needs to say and never be tired of it.

Don't be afraid to ask her more about her self-harm. Don't be too pushy about it but do show that you care and are willing to understand. Try to find out why she cuts. Is it really just to forget the pain of being rejected by that boy or is there more to it; things from her past or issues at home? Is it because physical pain is easier to cope with than the untouchable pain inside? Is it because she feels the need to punish herself? Is it just her way of making herself feel more alive?

Explain to her that whatever she feels when she is about to cut, whatever it is that drives her to do it, can be solved in ways other than cutting. Whatever it is that cutting gives her, you can give her a better, safer version of: a promise. Get her to promise you that she will reach out to someone the moment she feels the need to harm herself. You, in return, promise that you can be that someone for her when she needs it.

Here are a few sites that may help with the self-harm:

http://www.befrienders.org/how-to-support-someone-who-self-harms

http://www.xojane.com/issues/helping-self-harms

I hope all goes well!

With love,
The Advice Column