The Advice Column II

303

Advice Request
The requester's boyfriend is not treating them well.

Answered Submission
Hello,

Based on everything you've said, it doesn't seem like this guy deserves you. A relationship shouldn't be this tiring. You shouldn't have to live everyday tiptoeing around a person just because they might blow up at any second. It isn't a healthy relationship.

He obviously does not respect you nor your feelings. If he did, he wouldn't hang up on you or ignore you. It sounds to me that he doesn't love you as much as he loves having someone owing him an apology. You shouldn't have to carry his mood swings on your shoulders. Your partner should be someone who loves being around you and is capable of forgiving you. If you did do something wrong, he should confront you about it and tell you what bugs him. Instead, what he does is shut you off as if the best way to solve the problem is by making you feel guilty. I've said it once and I'll say it again: this isn't healthy at all for you. You need a loving partner, not someone who needs an excuse to throw a tantrum or make a scene.

If I were you, I'd end this relationship this very second. However, I know that there must be much more to this than what you've said. I'm sure this guy does have his positive attributes since you were attracted enough to him to begin the relationship in the first place. I know it won't be easy to just break it off. Therefore, I suggest you try to talk to him about this before you end it completely.

The first thing you need to do is to stop giving in to him and apologizing when it's not needed. If he won't tell you what's wrong, that's his problem, not yours. Don't let things slide anymore. Don't let him cross the line. Ask yourself if what he is doing is fair to you. If it's not, fight back. Explain how you feel to him about everything he does. Make your own demands. Try to work out something that makes you happy. If he can't respect that or make a few changes in his attitude for your sake, then just leave.

Remember that you deserve to be comfortable and happy with your partner. You don't owe him anything. You're supposed to be equals. Don't forget that.

With love,
The Advice Column