The Advice Column II

252

Advice Request
This person is having mixed feelings about her friend.

Answered Submissions
Hello.

I would say you are in a tricky situation.

About the situation where your group of friends is mad at your friend and your crush: I think this is not something you can do much about it. They are the ones who hurt people. You can be the peacemaker between them and your friends, but it is all up to them to act on it.

With that, I don't know if both of them have apologized to your friends or not, but if they haven't, they should start by apologizing. It may seem that they're not doing anything wrong because they're drunk (and a lot of people know that drunk people have problems controlling their actions, since their sense of judgement is clouded over the alcohol) but feelings are hurt. It is only courteous for your friends to apologize.

As to what to do with your crush: we can't exactly force him to stop drinking/getting drunk. But maybe you can ask him to lay off of it a little bit and stop drinking too much until he gets drunk and fails to control his behaviour. He can always try tricks that are available to avoid him from getting too drunk before he goes out drinking. This is, again, something that you can't really control because it's his actions, and he is the one that's supposed to take responsibility for what he does.

If both of you really like each other, then I'll say to just confess. Confess to make your feelings known to him and to make him aware of it; confess to make sure he knows what ground you're standing on. You don't have to quickly proceed into a relationship with him. You can wait until he's become more responsible when being drunk, which is something that would require him training himself not to do stupid things when he's drunk or not getting drunk in general. But, if you're strong enough to endure the stupid things that he will do when he's drunk and be ready for the possibility to go through the same thing his ex has to go through, then you can get into a relationship with him.

At the end of the day, it's still your choice whether to get into a relationship with him or not, regardless of if the both of you are ready. However, to avoid getting heartbroken, it is best to take everything into measure, if you want to date him.

When you're in a relationship with someone, you have to accept everything about them, and, at the same time, if they're behaving badly, you have to be strong to guide them back to the right path. Being in a relationship is also about responsibility. If one of you is not ready to have that responsibility, the relationship might have a hard time working out.

I don't know if his ex knows that you have feelings for him or not, but I think it is best to tell her about it. I know she doesn't own your crush, but for the sake of you being friends with her, I think it is best that you tell her before proceeding into a relationship with the guy. And even if she already knows, to avoid bad blood and bad feelings, it is still courteous to tell her when you're thinking of getting into a relationship with your crush.

I hope this helps.

Love,

The Advice Team Column